Almost time

Well, we are about 2 weeks away from the big day!!! Oh wow, I can't believe that I am about to be a mother of two. Who would have thought that at the age of 22, I would be getting ready to celebrating my 3rd wedding anniversary, be a mother of 2 and a Army wife. NOT THIS GIRL!!!

I seem to have a bad case of preggo brain because I keep looking forward to holding a newborn again and having a baby around the house. I washed all his clothes and got super excited because I can't wait to dress him in the cute clothes we have. Yet, my preggo brain keeps letting me forget that I have to endure many painful hours of labor! :( Umm not cool at all!! Why can't I have the baby without the pain? Thanks Adam and Eve, I truly appreciate your gift to mankind.

Another thing that I keep forgetting about is the sleepless nights and the late nights. Really?? I just want a baby without all the bad stuff. Things were easy with Bobby because Rob worked a 7-3 job and he was always home and he was always there. This time, he works 6-5 (on a good day) and if we are lucky, he is home by 5:30. I know it's all apart of the military life and all apart of this lifestyle and I am not complaining about it because I know it's what we signed up for. I don't know how we are going to adjust to having a baby in the military lifestyle. I can't complain though, because his command is allowing us to skip the week of field time that comes days after Jayden is born, and then they don't go into the field until August. Yet, the field time in August is going to be a killer because he will be gone for three whole weeks. I hate to think that I will be at home for three weeks with a 2 year old and a baby, yet that will actually help time pass by faster.

I am slowly counting down the days till Jayden arrives because I want him so bad. Here in El Paso, it's baby season. Two friends of mine have already given birth to their babies and another friend is getting induced tomorrow morning. All the baby pictures are making me even more anxious and even more excited. I am excited to be able post my pictures of my little one. I can't wait!!! Well, minus the labor part :) tee-hee..

Everything is pretty much ready for him. There are a few last minute things that we need to do. I need to finish organizing his bedroom, finish the last diapers, hook up a few things, get a few things at the store, grab some groceries to last us through May and then finish up some FRG stuff, not to mention write my last paper until May. I can't wait to finish this class and be done until the end of May. I am just so relieved I am taking a break because I don't think that I could have handled school while in the hospital.

I can't wait until I mark off the last thing and then I can just lay back and wait. Yet, this sickness that is has taken over my body is making it difficult, not to mention that it has taken over Bobby too. BOO :( Oh well, we shall hopefully get better before Jayden arrives. I don't like the idea of being in labor and coughing up a lung at the same time. Something about that just doesn't appeal to me at all. :)

I Pledge Allegiance

I have been currently reading a great book called Heroes at Home by Elle Kay. It's about giving hope to the military families and has been really good. I'm an idiot and a nerd and I tend to read a lot when I am about to go through something. I have books on being a military wife, deployment and other things. I know, it's a nerdish thing, but hey, it's me.

Anyways, I stumbled upon something in the book that I just wanted to share with everyone.

I pledge allegiance

To the flag

Of the United States

Of America

And to the republic

For which it stands,

One nation under God.

Indivisible

With liberty

And Justice

For All.

We've been taught all our lives and in most private schools, it is still a requirement to say before classes start. Yet have you ever stopped and pondered what it actually means? We recite it without thinking twice and it's second nature to us. Yet, we probably have never broken it down and actually thought about what the words actually mean. Don't feel bad, neither did I. Even as a military spouse, I never thought about the words or anything. I never thought about the words until I started reading this book. Elle Kay broke it down and reworded it. The way she did it, gave the pledge a whole new reason. I wanted to share with you her interpretation of the pledge.

I promise to be faithful and true

To the emblem that stands for and represents

All 50 states, each of them individual, and individually represented on the falg

Yet formed into a UNION of one nation.

I also pledge my loyalty to the Government that is itself a Republic, a form of government where PEOPLE are sovereign,

This government also being represented by the Flag to which I promise loyalty.

These 50 states individual states are united as a single Republic under the Divine providence of God, "our most powerful resource" (according to President Eisenhower)

And cannot be separated. (This part of the original version of the pledge was written just 50 years after the beginning of the Civil War and demonstrates the unity sought in the years after that divisive period in our history.)

The people of this Nation being afforded the freedom to pursue "life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness."

And each person entitled to be treated justly, fairly, and according to proper law and principle.

And these principles afforded to EVERY AMERICAN, regardless of race, religion, color, creed, or any other criteria. Just as the flag represents the 50 individual states that cannot be divided or separated, this Nation represents millions of people who cannot be separated or divided.

This brings the pledge to a whole new light. I know that this country is right now in the middle of a huge turmoil with the possibility of a government shutdown. It does make me mad that my husband may not get paid for protecting his country nor the soldiers overseas who are risking their lives. It makes me upset that the Congress will still get paid and that they will not be affected at all by this. Yet, my husband swore to protect this country and he plans upholding it. It makes me proud to married to him.

I know that people are freaking out, but this will show the American population how honorable our troops really are. Even though they are not getting paid, they are still going to show up to work and work. How many people would you know do that? Some may only do it just because they have to and they don't want any action filed against them. There are some that are doing it because they know it's the right thing to do and that it's their duty to uphold the oath they took. They are loyal to their country, even when their country may not be loyal to them. They may not always look out for what's best for the military, but the military always looks out for their country.

It's about time the American population unites and stand behind their military. Believe it or not, when you say the pledge, you are stating that you are loyal to your country and therefore you are loyal to the very people that make it possible to say that exact pledge. It's the military that gives us the right to say what we want, to voice our opinion against our government without fear of death. It's our military that makes it possible for us to worship when, who and where we want openly. It's our sons, fathers, and husbands that are laying their lives down for our freedom and it's about time to stop just saying the pledge, but believing it also and acting on it.

It's just a thought. I know that not all people believe in this nor do they believe that the troops are doing great things. I believe in everything I have said. I love our country and although I do not agree in some of things that are happening, I am loyal to my country and the military. I will always be that way, military wife or not. It's our duty as civilians. HOOAH!

Trying to figure it out

Isn't it really funny that we sometimes have dreams and ambitions, yet when we actually sit down and think about them, we can't figure out how to fulfill them?? I think it's oddly strange and completely unfair since it's pretty much torture. You sit there trying to figure it out, yet you can't.

I really want to be able to work from home. I want to be able to start up my own business. I want to be able to keep myself busy (Even though the two boys and FRG will do that for me) while Rob is deployed. I get so excited and then when I sit down to brainstorm, I have no idea what direction I want to go. I thought about doing something with sewing, but I don't know. Then I thought about doing jewelry, yet I would have no idea what to do. I really really want to do this, yet I have no idea what to do or how to do it. Seriously?? Why give me this idea and not give me a solution? It's like a bad algebra problem all over again.

I really want to keep myself busy while he deploys and I know that two boys and being FRG leader will do a good job, but I just want to be able to make the days fly by and the homecoming to be here. Yet, I am running out of ideas to do that. I thought about going to EMT school and getting myself EMT certified so that I could work while he is gone. I planned on being a paramedic once I got my degree and was able to pursue the paramedic field. Why not get a early start on things? Then I realized that I would be taking on too much for myself. I mean being both parents, going to school full time, being FRG leader and keeping a husband who is thousands miles away upbeat, is going to be challenging enough. I don't need to spend the $700 for the class and have to drop out due to the fact that I am overwhelmed. I cannot guarantee that I would be able to fully focus on that.

GRR!!!! Why is this soo darn difficult?? Why can't this be easy? I mean, I got the passion and the drive for it, just don't have the actual thing. I am seriously trying to figure this all out now because I am going to have my hands full with Rob being gone. I want to have a chance to get used to it and get accustomed to it before he leaves, but the rate things are going, I doubt I will even figure it out soon. GRRRR!!!! I swear that things are just not as easy as I want them to be. LOL...If only I had an easy button like the Staples commercials.

I know that once I find it, I will know it's for me. Until then, I am going to pick my brain and other brains of other people. I just don't understand why it is so hard. I am about to freaking scream my lungs out in hopes that if I can get my frustration out, I can figure it all out. Maybe, I should just let it come to me. I just need to forget about it and let the opportunity present itself to me. That idea seems just too easy though. Real easy.

Who knows! I will eventually figure it out and when I do, I will be soo excited and very relieved :)

Where has the time gone?

Umm, I want to know where time went. I just can't believe how old my little boy is. He seems to have grown up and I have not even seen it. Which makes no sense to me since I stay at home with him and I am constantly around him. Yet, he is grown up right before my eyes and I haven't even noticed it.

I remember holding him for the first time. There are truly no words for the feeling that washed over me as I held him for the first minutes of his life. The saying is really true that you forget all the crap and pain that you just endured. I loved holding him thinking that he was so perfect and so healthy. As I held his small body (all 8.5 pounds) on my chest, I couldn't imagine how much he would change my life. He had already changed so much of my life in just that few minutes of his life. I now had so much more to tackle. I had a ton of sleepless nights ahead of me, I had to master nursing. I had to give up my life and my friends for him and put him first. I was now responsible for another human being. I had to raise him, teach him right and other things. People were going to look at him and judge my parenting style by his behavior.

I have a ton of dreams for him. My biggest dream for him is to be who he wants to be. I want him to be who HE wants to be. Yes, I would love for him to play soccer, I know that Rob would love for him to play football. We have decided that we aren't going to push him into joining the military. We are going to leave that up to him. We want him to follow his dreams and not ours. We will support him in whatever he wants to do.

Where did the time go? He is one month shy from being 2 years old. :( NOOOO!!!! I don't want my little boy to be 2. I want him to stay the little 1 year old he is. He is becoming a little stinker and already has that attitude. The other day, he was running around with a pen and I told him to give it to me. He looked at me and told me flat out, "NO". My heart breaks that I have to punish him, but I want was is best for him and this all apart of the parenting.

He sometimes act older then he really is. It amazes me. When Rob is in the field or something, it's like he can almost sense that I am sad. He can sense something is off and tries everything in his power to make me laugh. Trust me, he is a pro at it at and it doesn't take long before I am laughing at his silly antics. You can just look at him and he will giggle and just do a goofy smile. He scoffs at you and does something truly silly. He loves to make me laugh and will stop at nothing to do that. I don't mind, I love listening to his laugh. He has the cutest laugh in the entire world. I love the personality that he has and I am loving it even more now that he is talking more and more. He is just picking up everything we say and it's adorable.

Gosh, where did the time go? I miss him already.