- You are stronger than you think
- Mistakes teach you important lessons. Every time you make one, you are one step closer to your goal.
- There is nothing hold you back but YOU.
- You can press forward long after you can’t. It’s a matter of wanting it bad enough.
- No matter how much progress you make there will always be the people who insist that whatever you’re trying to do is impossible.
- You are limited only by your own imagination. Let it fly.
- Perception is reality.
- Your instincts can be trusted.
- There is only one question to ask yourself: “What would you do if you were not afraid?”
- It’s often hard to tell just how close you are to success.
- The only mistake that can truly hurt you is choosing to do nothing simply because you’re too scared to make a mistake.
- Never let success get to your head, and never let failure get to your heart.
- You have to fight through some bad days to earn the best days of your life.
- Life is 10% what happens to you and 90% how you react to it.
- Do what you love, not what you think you’re supposed to do.
- Laughter is the best medicine for stress. Laugh at yourself often.
- If you want to feel rich, just count all the great things you have that money can’t buy.
- Forgiving yourself is far more important than getting others to forgive you.
- If you awake every morning with the thought that something wonderful will happen in your life today, you’ll often find that you’re right.
- Be nice to yourself.
- For the most part, it doesn’t matter what people think. Follow your own truth.
- No education is wasted. Drink in as many new experiences as you can.
- Making one person smile can change the world.
- Don’t forget to enjoy your journey!
- You never know how strong you really are until being strong is the only choice you have.
- Sometimes good things fall apart so better things can fall together.
- You cannot change what you refuse to confront.
- Crying doesn’t indicate that you’re weak. It doesn’t always solve your problems either.
- No matter how many mistakes you make or how slow you progress, you are still way ahead of everyone who isn’t trying.
- Life isn’t about waiting for the storm to pass, it’s about learning to dance in the rain.
- You can learn great things from your mistakes when you aren’t busy denying them.
- Give up worrying about what others think of you.
- When you stop chasing the wrong things you give the right things a chance to catch you.
- You have to accept that some things will never be yours, and learn to appreciate the things that are only yours.
- As Henry Ford put it, “Whether you think you can or you think you can’t, you are right.”
- Don’t be afraid to move out of your comfort zone. Some of your best life experiences and opportunities will transpire only after you dare to lose.
- Giving up doesn’t always mean you’re weak, sometimes it means you are strong enough and smart enough to let go.
- You’ll rarely be 100% sure it will work. But you can always be 100% sure doing nothing won’t work.
- Don’t dwell on the past or worry about the future for too long. Right now is life. Live it.
- No matter how cautiously you choose your words, someone will always twist them around and misinterpret what you say. Just say what you need to say.
- Not getting what you want is sometimes a wonderful stroke of good luck.
- If you are passionate about something, pursue it, no matter what anyone else thinks. That’s how dreams are achieved.
- If you keep doing what you’re doing, you’ll keep getting what you’re getting.
- What lies before us and behind us are tiny matters when compared to what lies within us.
- Don’t pray when it rains if you don’t pray when the sun shines.
- It’s not about getting a chance, it’s about taking a chance.
- If it were easy everyone would do it.
- Be vulnerable.
- A problem is a chance for you to learn.
- Regardless of the situation, life goes on.
Sunday, December 11, 2011
50 things I wish I had known earlier
Growing up involves a lot of lessons learned. You learn them through a lot of heartache and sorrow. You wish and wish that bad things would stop happening, but you look back at them and you are thankful for them. It is how we grow. We make our worst decisions and learn the best lessons from them. If I could go back in time to my younger self, this is what I would want to tell her.
Wednesday, December 7, 2011
Deployment: A time to be selfless...
Sometimes people use deployed spouses as a "get out of jail free card". They think that just because they have a spouse deployed that they can act selfish and crabby. They feel like the world owes them and that life is out to get them. Why? All because their husband/wife is deployed.
I am not referring to one person. I wrote that because as soon as deployment hit me, I started having those tenancies. I would go off on Robert for no reason and just tell him that I was going through a lot and he should give me some space. In retro spec, he was going through the same thing and worse... I was horrified at my behavior when I regain my senses and got my head back on straight. I realized that I was WAY wrong and I deeply apologized for it. Even though he said it was okay, it was not okay to me. When it mattered most, I was not showing him that I could remain strong and that I had a good head on my shoulders. He needs to have confidence in me and yet, I was in the "woe is me" attitude.
I had chosen not to move home because Rob wanted me to stay here. He didn't want to lose our post housing and I did not want to stress about finding a house and moving back when he was on his way home. We did sit down and talk about and made the decision. I did, though, go back and forth after I made the decision. Whenever something went wrong, I decided that I was going to go home. Every time we had a fight, I was going to go home. I did not want to stay here because it scared the heck out of me. I wanted to move home near my mom because that was what was comfortable for me. I decided that moving there and then moving back and then moving to another post was going to be too much for the kids and me.
I finally made up my mind. I was staying here and that was final. So, once I made that decision, I had to figure out ways to occupy my mind and time. I could get a job, but after I figured it all, it wouldn't be worth it. The money that I would earn would only cover child care and I did not want to leave my kids with someone day in and day out. I would miss them too much. I've been a stay at home mom since 2009 (I know- two years is not a long time), but I seriously do not know if I could leave them constantly. I love my boys.
So, the job was out. I figured out that I need to find something that I could do and the boys could come with me. I decided that instead of focusing on myself, one way to keep that in perspective, I was going to volunteer. I decided that I was going to have depressing moments where I just want to wallow in self pity at the situation. I do not want to do that. I've gotten past that part and do not want to go back. So, volunteering would keep my mind off of myself and Rob's absence and it would help pass time. If I dive myself into volunteering, I will be so focused on others and helping them. My focus would not be on me, but it would be helping others who are in worse situations than I am in.
I have interviewed at the Red Cross and start orientation tomorrow. I am awaiting a couple of other places to get back to me about volunteering with them. I advise those who have deploying spouses to give some of your time back to the community. It will help pass the time, you will be happy knowing that you are making a difference and you are helping people. It will help keep the focus off yourself and turn the focus onto others. I haven't even started at the Red Cross, but I am soo pumped. I am not dreading the deployment as bad.
I am now 100% sure that I was supposed to stay here in El Paso for the deployment. I was not supposed to go home because if I did, I would not have this doors being opened. I am so grateful for them and I am so excited to be able to help. I plan on doing some type of volunteering every day. Do I care that I am not getting paid for it? No way. Why? Because, I love to help others and I want to know that if I need help, there will be a volunteer that is willing to help me.
Just think about. What would you want to do with your time during deployment?
I am not referring to one person. I wrote that because as soon as deployment hit me, I started having those tenancies. I would go off on Robert for no reason and just tell him that I was going through a lot and he should give me some space. In retro spec, he was going through the same thing and worse... I was horrified at my behavior when I regain my senses and got my head back on straight. I realized that I was WAY wrong and I deeply apologized for it. Even though he said it was okay, it was not okay to me. When it mattered most, I was not showing him that I could remain strong and that I had a good head on my shoulders. He needs to have confidence in me and yet, I was in the "woe is me" attitude.
I had chosen not to move home because Rob wanted me to stay here. He didn't want to lose our post housing and I did not want to stress about finding a house and moving back when he was on his way home. We did sit down and talk about and made the decision. I did, though, go back and forth after I made the decision. Whenever something went wrong, I decided that I was going to go home. Every time we had a fight, I was going to go home. I did not want to stay here because it scared the heck out of me. I wanted to move home near my mom because that was what was comfortable for me. I decided that moving there and then moving back and then moving to another post was going to be too much for the kids and me.
I finally made up my mind. I was staying here and that was final. So, once I made that decision, I had to figure out ways to occupy my mind and time. I could get a job, but after I figured it all, it wouldn't be worth it. The money that I would earn would only cover child care and I did not want to leave my kids with someone day in and day out. I would miss them too much. I've been a stay at home mom since 2009 (I know- two years is not a long time), but I seriously do not know if I could leave them constantly. I love my boys.
So, the job was out. I figured out that I need to find something that I could do and the boys could come with me. I decided that instead of focusing on myself, one way to keep that in perspective, I was going to volunteer. I decided that I was going to have depressing moments where I just want to wallow in self pity at the situation. I do not want to do that. I've gotten past that part and do not want to go back. So, volunteering would keep my mind off of myself and Rob's absence and it would help pass time. If I dive myself into volunteering, I will be so focused on others and helping them. My focus would not be on me, but it would be helping others who are in worse situations than I am in.
I have interviewed at the Red Cross and start orientation tomorrow. I am awaiting a couple of other places to get back to me about volunteering with them. I advise those who have deploying spouses to give some of your time back to the community. It will help pass the time, you will be happy knowing that you are making a difference and you are helping people. It will help keep the focus off yourself and turn the focus onto others. I haven't even started at the Red Cross, but I am soo pumped. I am not dreading the deployment as bad.
I am now 100% sure that I was supposed to stay here in El Paso for the deployment. I was not supposed to go home because if I did, I would not have this doors being opened. I am so grateful for them and I am so excited to be able to help. I plan on doing some type of volunteering every day. Do I care that I am not getting paid for it? No way. Why? Because, I love to help others and I want to know that if I need help, there will be a volunteer that is willing to help me.
Just think about. What would you want to do with your time during deployment?
Tuesday, December 6, 2011
Project: Cooking
I have recently rewatched a favorite movie of mine, Julie & Julia. It got me thinking. Rob deploys for one year and I can cook through one year of recipes. I love cooking, yet I stay to the same recipes because I do not want to risk cooking something that I may not like. I feel like it is a waste of time.
But, if I were to hone in on my cooking skills while he is deployed, only Bobby and I would be eating it and Bobby eats anything. Plus, when Rob does return from deployment, I will have a wealth of new recipes for him to try and he won't have to suffer through the bad ones. He will only get to taste the good ones.
I think that it will be a fun project for me to do while Rob is deployed. I think that maybe it will keep my mind off of everything and I will look forward to dinner every night (well, maybe). I just hope that I can find a cook book from someone I love. I actually think that I have a Rachel Ray cook book that has 365 recipes in it. Rachel Ray is always a safe bet because she is one of my favorite cooks. I am so excited. The only problem is that the recipes that deal with seafood will be skipped. Neither Rob and I are fond of seafood. There is no point in cooking that if neither one of us are going to eat it. I can blog about it too here.
This all sounds very fun. From what I hear, the key is to keep yourself busy and to set a good routine. That would be a great routine. I have a meeting tomorrow to see if I can volunteer for the Red Cross here on post and then come home and cook a wonderful/new recipe. Sounds like a great routine for me. I am trying to keep myself as busy as I possibly can and I think that this will help.
I cannot wait for Robert to get home so I can tell him my plan. All these ideas are coming to my head. I just hope that he agrees to let me do it. It should be very exciting. He probably will just because he loves when I cook and he will benefit greatly from it. So, I guess I shall sign off and start planning it because I have to start it in a few days. :)
As bad as this sounds, this also gives me something to look forward to. I mean, I am able to have something that will be exciting when he leaves. :) So, let's get started cooking. Hope everyone is ready for this journey, because I know that I am. :)
But, if I were to hone in on my cooking skills while he is deployed, only Bobby and I would be eating it and Bobby eats anything. Plus, when Rob does return from deployment, I will have a wealth of new recipes for him to try and he won't have to suffer through the bad ones. He will only get to taste the good ones.
I think that it will be a fun project for me to do while Rob is deployed. I think that maybe it will keep my mind off of everything and I will look forward to dinner every night (well, maybe). I just hope that I can find a cook book from someone I love. I actually think that I have a Rachel Ray cook book that has 365 recipes in it. Rachel Ray is always a safe bet because she is one of my favorite cooks. I am so excited. The only problem is that the recipes that deal with seafood will be skipped. Neither Rob and I are fond of seafood. There is no point in cooking that if neither one of us are going to eat it. I can blog about it too here.
This all sounds very fun. From what I hear, the key is to keep yourself busy and to set a good routine. That would be a great routine. I have a meeting tomorrow to see if I can volunteer for the Red Cross here on post and then come home and cook a wonderful/new recipe. Sounds like a great routine for me. I am trying to keep myself as busy as I possibly can and I think that this will help.
I cannot wait for Robert to get home so I can tell him my plan. All these ideas are coming to my head. I just hope that he agrees to let me do it. It should be very exciting. He probably will just because he loves when I cook and he will benefit greatly from it. So, I guess I shall sign off and start planning it because I have to start it in a few days. :)
As bad as this sounds, this also gives me something to look forward to. I mean, I am able to have something that will be exciting when he leaves. :) So, let's get started cooking. Hope everyone is ready for this journey, because I know that I am. :)
Saturday, December 3, 2011
Mission: Impossible
The impossible has happened. I am officially in the Christmas spirit. I thought that I would just have to hope and pray that I would get into the spirit and maybe, just maybe, I would be after he left. I have reached the Christmas spirit today!!
It all started when we got our Heroes at Home gift card from Sears. Every year, they give out gift cards to a select group of military families to help with Christmas. It is like Black Friday shopping when the registration opens up for the program. The website will crash from the number of people that are trying to apply. We applied and were accepted. We recently got ours yesterday.
I had done the majority of our Christmas shopping on Black Friday because all the things I wanted for the boys were on sale and I was so excited. I saved a lot of money from that and the boys were going to be spoiled. Usually, we get the boys one big gift and some little gifts for their birthdays and for Christmas. This year, Robert and I decided that we would set aside that rule, considering he would be deploying right before Christmas. We had decided to set aside money from each paycheck so that we could do what we wanted to do for the boys.
We ended up celebrating Christmas with his parents while we were up there. I bawled all the way home because it didn't feel like Christmas and I was afraid that I would feel like that on Christmas day. I have been trying so hard to keep an upbeat outlook on this whole deployment process and it seemed that my hard work was not paying off. To make matters worse, I looked at the calendar yesterday and realized how scary soon Rob was deploying. I felt that no matter how hard I tried, I would be Scrooge for Christmas. I do a good job playing off that I am completely fine and everything is just perfect. Deep down inside, I am hurting and just want to scream. I figured that Christmas would be like that. I didn't want to listen to Christmas music either (and I LOVE Christmas music).
We got our Sears gift card and Rob and I sat down to talk about how we would spend it. We could get the boys more presents, or get each other something little. I mentioned that I wish we could decorate for Christmas and before I knew it, Rob had a Christmas tree picked out and ready for pick up. I grew very excited. I felt like a kid in a candy store. You see, we've been married for three years and never decorated for Christmas. Our first Christmas together, we couldn't afford to decorate or buy a Christmas tree. Our second Christmas was the same way. We had just had Bobby six months prior to that and we were strapped for money as is. We could not afford to buy a Christmas tree and decorations. Last Christmas, we were stationed here and went home for Christmas. There was no point in decorating since I was gone for about three weeks and Rob didn't want to decorate by himself. This year, we could afford it but thanks to Sears, we were able to get a nice tree and not have to spend a lot out of pocket. We also got some decorations.
Rob is taking me out tomorrow to finish up the rest of our shopping and then home to wrap presents and set up the tree and everything. I am so excited for Christmas. I cannot wait to decorate my own tree for the first time EVER and I am even more excited to start my own traditions for the boys. I have so many plans for Christmas day and I am so excited to spend that day with our boys. Rob will be in our thoughts and def in our prayers as he will probably be traveling or just arriving come Christmas day. It's going to be a bittersweet day, but I am soo thankful that I am finally in the spirit of the holidays. I am so relieved that I haven't lost the spirit of the holidays and now that I am excited, Bobby is even more excited. He is itching to get into presents and see what he got.
So, mission impossible is a success. This grouchy army wife is finally in the spirit of Christmas and is going to enjoy every second. I know that I will be sad on that, who wouldn't be, but I know that Rob would want me happy and he would want me to enjoy the day. So, that is what I shall do. I am so thankful for his service and incredibly proud of him. <3 I love him more and more every day.
It all started when we got our Heroes at Home gift card from Sears. Every year, they give out gift cards to a select group of military families to help with Christmas. It is like Black Friday shopping when the registration opens up for the program. The website will crash from the number of people that are trying to apply. We applied and were accepted. We recently got ours yesterday.
I had done the majority of our Christmas shopping on Black Friday because all the things I wanted for the boys were on sale and I was so excited. I saved a lot of money from that and the boys were going to be spoiled. Usually, we get the boys one big gift and some little gifts for their birthdays and for Christmas. This year, Robert and I decided that we would set aside that rule, considering he would be deploying right before Christmas. We had decided to set aside money from each paycheck so that we could do what we wanted to do for the boys.
We ended up celebrating Christmas with his parents while we were up there. I bawled all the way home because it didn't feel like Christmas and I was afraid that I would feel like that on Christmas day. I have been trying so hard to keep an upbeat outlook on this whole deployment process and it seemed that my hard work was not paying off. To make matters worse, I looked at the calendar yesterday and realized how scary soon Rob was deploying. I felt that no matter how hard I tried, I would be Scrooge for Christmas. I do a good job playing off that I am completely fine and everything is just perfect. Deep down inside, I am hurting and just want to scream. I figured that Christmas would be like that. I didn't want to listen to Christmas music either (and I LOVE Christmas music).
We got our Sears gift card and Rob and I sat down to talk about how we would spend it. We could get the boys more presents, or get each other something little. I mentioned that I wish we could decorate for Christmas and before I knew it, Rob had a Christmas tree picked out and ready for pick up. I grew very excited. I felt like a kid in a candy store. You see, we've been married for three years and never decorated for Christmas. Our first Christmas together, we couldn't afford to decorate or buy a Christmas tree. Our second Christmas was the same way. We had just had Bobby six months prior to that and we were strapped for money as is. We could not afford to buy a Christmas tree and decorations. Last Christmas, we were stationed here and went home for Christmas. There was no point in decorating since I was gone for about three weeks and Rob didn't want to decorate by himself. This year, we could afford it but thanks to Sears, we were able to get a nice tree and not have to spend a lot out of pocket. We also got some decorations.
Rob is taking me out tomorrow to finish up the rest of our shopping and then home to wrap presents and set up the tree and everything. I am so excited for Christmas. I cannot wait to decorate my own tree for the first time EVER and I am even more excited to start my own traditions for the boys. I have so many plans for Christmas day and I am so excited to spend that day with our boys. Rob will be in our thoughts and def in our prayers as he will probably be traveling or just arriving come Christmas day. It's going to be a bittersweet day, but I am soo thankful that I am finally in the spirit of the holidays. I am so relieved that I haven't lost the spirit of the holidays and now that I am excited, Bobby is even more excited. He is itching to get into presents and see what he got.
So, mission impossible is a success. This grouchy army wife is finally in the spirit of Christmas and is going to enjoy every second. I know that I will be sad on that, who wouldn't be, but I know that Rob would want me happy and he would want me to enjoy the day. So, that is what I shall do. I am so thankful for his service and incredibly proud of him. <3 I love him more and more every day.
Tuesday, November 22, 2011
The Little Things
So, it will be the boys and me for Christmas. As sad as I am that Rob is missing out on Christmas and Jayden's first Christmas, I need to make this a special as I possibly can. I have been looking for ways to actually bring joy to that day. Christmas will be quite depressing this year but knowing that it will not be this way next year.
Today, I went to WalMart and we were shopping. I have been talking to Rob about letting me get the four Christmas classic movies that I wanted. They were: The Grinch that Stole Christmas (the cartoon), Santa Claus comes to town, Rudolph the Red Nose Reindeer, Frosty the Snow Man and Jack Frost. I found Jack Frost last night for $5. The remaining four were at Walmart for $10 each. Robert told me that $40 was a lot to spend and we needed to wait. I was sad, but I was okay with it. Anyways, I went to WalMart today and we were in line to check out when I saw it. Santa Claus coming to town, Rudolph and Frosty in a bundle for $20! Needless to say, Rob let me get it and I was so excited. Not only did it come with four extra little holiday movies, but it came with a $10 credit for a movie download site. So, I can download The Grinch and I will have all my movies.
Robert could not understand why I was so happy. I suddenly envisioned Bobby, Jayden and I curled up on the coach with hot chocolate (for Bobby) and Chai Latte for me watching these movies in our jammies. I was so excited. I have this idea of our family mattress on the floor of our living room and all of us on it enjoying each other.
I then realized, that Christmas was going to be hard for me. It was up to me to make Christmas extra special for the boys, specially Bobby. He will the be the one that has a hard time dealing with this all and it is my job and his mom and as a military wife, to make sure that he realizes that even though daddy is gone, things will go on. Christmas can be depressing if I focus on Rob's absence. If I focus on making my own traditions with the boys and making it very memorable, I will be happy. It is not the big things that count, but it is the little things.
In my dad's small group that he teaches every Sunday morning, he has been using Crazy Love by Francis Chan. Chapter two was all about how distracted we are by everything and how we need to refocus our lives on what truly matters. My distractions have been making every moment count and making sure everything goes smoothly. I wanted to make sure that we did things as a family and I would get soo upset when they didn't go the way that I thought that they would.
I finally had to set back and say to myself, okay, we are going to just enjoy this time as a family. Whether it be watching the Dallas Cowboys play or whether it was just watching a movie as a family, we would enjoy it. In that moment, I was at peace. In that exact moment, things fell together and we started having so much fun. The arguments went down to a minimal and Rob and I were both happier.
Francis Chan writes this in his book, " Worry implies that we don't quite trust that God is big enough, powerful enough or loving enough to take care of what's happening in our lives. Stress says that the things we are involved in are important enough to merit our impatience, our lack of grace toward others, or our tight grip of control."
Can you say WOW?!?!?!?! That just hits home and hits the ball out of the ball park. I have been so wrapped up in making sure things are perfect and that we do as much as we can as a family. Going to the splash park or park every Saturday was too much. Rob was working long days getting ready for leave and all he wanted to do was relax. I kept telling him that we were doing this and doing that. It wasn't until I stepped back and just let everything go. It wasn't until I relinquished all control and took a deep breath. In my search of living with no regrets, I was having a lot of regrets. I now have none. I know what I did wrong and I corrected it.
We are enjoying our leave and enjoying the fact that we are together as a family. Isn't that all that should matter? Same with Christmas. We will be celebrating it without Rob this year, but that doesn't mean that we can't have the best Christmas ever. Just because Rob won't be here for it, doesn't mean that we shouldn't celebrate. Why? We celebrate Christmas because that was when Jesus came to the earth to save us. It is not about all the presents, dinners and other things that are now associated with Christmas. It is about the birth of our Savior. That is what Christmas is about. So, yes Rob will be gone, but Jesus isn't and He is the reason for the season.
As the holidays approach, please give your kids an extra hug. Be kind to your spouses and please do not get wrapped up in the holiday doo-daah. It is about Jesus Christ. It is about his birth. So, please remember, Jesus Christ is still alive and so is Christmas. It's a time to celebrate His birth. I know my boys and I will be making a Cake and singing Happy Birthday to Him.
Today, I went to WalMart and we were shopping. I have been talking to Rob about letting me get the four Christmas classic movies that I wanted. They were: The Grinch that Stole Christmas (the cartoon), Santa Claus comes to town, Rudolph the Red Nose Reindeer, Frosty the Snow Man and Jack Frost. I found Jack Frost last night for $5. The remaining four were at Walmart for $10 each. Robert told me that $40 was a lot to spend and we needed to wait. I was sad, but I was okay with it. Anyways, I went to WalMart today and we were in line to check out when I saw it. Santa Claus coming to town, Rudolph and Frosty in a bundle for $20! Needless to say, Rob let me get it and I was so excited. Not only did it come with four extra little holiday movies, but it came with a $10 credit for a movie download site. So, I can download The Grinch and I will have all my movies.
Robert could not understand why I was so happy. I suddenly envisioned Bobby, Jayden and I curled up on the coach with hot chocolate (for Bobby) and Chai Latte for me watching these movies in our jammies. I was so excited. I have this idea of our family mattress on the floor of our living room and all of us on it enjoying each other.
I then realized, that Christmas was going to be hard for me. It was up to me to make Christmas extra special for the boys, specially Bobby. He will the be the one that has a hard time dealing with this all and it is my job and his mom and as a military wife, to make sure that he realizes that even though daddy is gone, things will go on. Christmas can be depressing if I focus on Rob's absence. If I focus on making my own traditions with the boys and making it very memorable, I will be happy. It is not the big things that count, but it is the little things.
In my dad's small group that he teaches every Sunday morning, he has been using Crazy Love by Francis Chan. Chapter two was all about how distracted we are by everything and how we need to refocus our lives on what truly matters. My distractions have been making every moment count and making sure everything goes smoothly. I wanted to make sure that we did things as a family and I would get soo upset when they didn't go the way that I thought that they would.
I finally had to set back and say to myself, okay, we are going to just enjoy this time as a family. Whether it be watching the Dallas Cowboys play or whether it was just watching a movie as a family, we would enjoy it. In that moment, I was at peace. In that exact moment, things fell together and we started having so much fun. The arguments went down to a minimal and Rob and I were both happier.
Francis Chan writes this in his book, " Worry implies that we don't quite trust that God is big enough, powerful enough or loving enough to take care of what's happening in our lives. Stress says that the things we are involved in are important enough to merit our impatience, our lack of grace toward others, or our tight grip of control."
Can you say WOW?!?!?!?! That just hits home and hits the ball out of the ball park. I have been so wrapped up in making sure things are perfect and that we do as much as we can as a family. Going to the splash park or park every Saturday was too much. Rob was working long days getting ready for leave and all he wanted to do was relax. I kept telling him that we were doing this and doing that. It wasn't until I stepped back and just let everything go. It wasn't until I relinquished all control and took a deep breath. In my search of living with no regrets, I was having a lot of regrets. I now have none. I know what I did wrong and I corrected it.
We are enjoying our leave and enjoying the fact that we are together as a family. Isn't that all that should matter? Same with Christmas. We will be celebrating it without Rob this year, but that doesn't mean that we can't have the best Christmas ever. Just because Rob won't be here for it, doesn't mean that we shouldn't celebrate. Why? We celebrate Christmas because that was when Jesus came to the earth to save us. It is not about all the presents, dinners and other things that are now associated with Christmas. It is about the birth of our Savior. That is what Christmas is about. So, yes Rob will be gone, but Jesus isn't and He is the reason for the season.
As the holidays approach, please give your kids an extra hug. Be kind to your spouses and please do not get wrapped up in the holiday doo-daah. It is about Jesus Christ. It is about his birth. So, please remember, Jesus Christ is still alive and so is Christmas. It's a time to celebrate His birth. I know my boys and I will be making a Cake and singing Happy Birthday to Him.
Wednesday, November 16, 2011
Life bites
Today-this saying has rang so true. We are on leave. We left El Paso Saturday morning at midnight. We arrived in Virginia around 7 am Sunday Morning. Yes, we drove straight through-never again. We just wanted to get home and I was so excited to be finally be home.
Monday and Tuesday have been amazing. Rob and I refused to let anything come in our way of enjoying our leave and enjoying time as a family. We promised each other that there would be no regrets and we would love each like we have never loved each other. It's been perfect. It almost feels like we are dating again. He is opening doors for me, rubbing my back, holding my hand and we are just so happy together as a family. No stress from the Army, no stress at all. Just Rob, the boys and me. It's how it should be.
Well, today was good until I woke up and got a call. Got a call that delievered some bad news about his deployment. He is not leaving when we thought and I am just upset. I had just spent the past two months preparing myself for him to leave. I was ready. I was prepared. I was emotionally ready. All our paperwork was done, bags were packed and car parts replaced before we went on leave. It was all good. Now, it's changed. :( I am not prepared. I feel it's too soon. I do not know how exactly to prepare myself for this.
I had these plans and now, they have all changed. I mean, it doesn't really surprise me because it is the Army, it's what they do. Right? They change things around. Dates and times will constantly change until the plane is in the air. I shouldn't be soo freaking shocked like I am.
I cannot allow myself to ruin any more leave. I had today and have about one more hour left. After that, all deployment talk is to cease. No deployment talk, no Army talk, nothing. We hit a bump in the road today and I feel like it's been handled well. I didn't let it ruin all day today. I had my little upset moments, but nothing that would cause me to ruin the day. I have to remain positive. This is my last chance to make memories with Rob AND the kids for a whole year. This is my last chance to make sure that Robert has the relaxation that he needs before he goes to a stressful job overseas. I need to make sure that he leaves knowing that I have everything under control. I have to do this for not only myself, but for Robert and the boys.
So, as I type this, I am releasing whatever emotions that I have left. I am enjoying a cup of Chai latte and watching Law and Order: Criminal Intent. The boys are sleeping and Rob just laid down so he will be out shortly. As, I reflect on my life, I am so blessed to have an amazing husband, two amazing little boys and a wonderful house. I have amazing family and friends. What more could a girl ask for?
Monday and Tuesday have been amazing. Rob and I refused to let anything come in our way of enjoying our leave and enjoying time as a family. We promised each other that there would be no regrets and we would love each like we have never loved each other. It's been perfect. It almost feels like we are dating again. He is opening doors for me, rubbing my back, holding my hand and we are just so happy together as a family. No stress from the Army, no stress at all. Just Rob, the boys and me. It's how it should be.
Well, today was good until I woke up and got a call. Got a call that delievered some bad news about his deployment. He is not leaving when we thought and I am just upset. I had just spent the past two months preparing myself for him to leave. I was ready. I was prepared. I was emotionally ready. All our paperwork was done, bags were packed and car parts replaced before we went on leave. It was all good. Now, it's changed. :( I am not prepared. I feel it's too soon. I do not know how exactly to prepare myself for this.
I had these plans and now, they have all changed. I mean, it doesn't really surprise me because it is the Army, it's what they do. Right? They change things around. Dates and times will constantly change until the plane is in the air. I shouldn't be soo freaking shocked like I am.
I cannot allow myself to ruin any more leave. I had today and have about one more hour left. After that, all deployment talk is to cease. No deployment talk, no Army talk, nothing. We hit a bump in the road today and I feel like it's been handled well. I didn't let it ruin all day today. I had my little upset moments, but nothing that would cause me to ruin the day. I have to remain positive. This is my last chance to make memories with Rob AND the kids for a whole year. This is my last chance to make sure that Robert has the relaxation that he needs before he goes to a stressful job overseas. I need to make sure that he leaves knowing that I have everything under control. I have to do this for not only myself, but for Robert and the boys.
So, as I type this, I am releasing whatever emotions that I have left. I am enjoying a cup of Chai latte and watching Law and Order: Criminal Intent. The boys are sleeping and Rob just laid down so he will be out shortly. As, I reflect on my life, I am so blessed to have an amazing husband, two amazing little boys and a wonderful house. I have amazing family and friends. What more could a girl ask for?
Wednesday, November 2, 2011
Big girls don't cry?
There is a popular song (one of my favorites) that is titled, "Big Girls Don't Cry". That was my motto in life. Nothing could get me down and I had to be strong 24/7. When I heard that Rob was deploying, I vowed to myself that I would not be upset and crying all the time.
I hate crying. I always saw it as a weakness. Why cry? It shows people that are you vulnerable and that you do not have it all together. I hated showing it to anyone, including Rob, especially Rob. I want him to leave knowing that I have everything under control and that I am put together.
I got his orders a couple of weeks ago and no tears. I was surprised. I thought for sure that as soon as I got those, I was going to bawl my eyes out. Yet, no tears came. Nothing. I thought, hmm...maybe I was handling this much better than I thought I would. I surprised myself and I knew that I could do it. No big deal. He will be leaving for a year and then we will be back together until he deploys again. No big deal right?
Tonight, for some reason, I could no longer hold the tears back. I could not keep them in and I could not stop them. I tried to play it off like I was okay and nothing was wrong. I knew he was so proud of me and how I was handling this whole thing. I did not want to let him down. Tonight, I could not stop crying. I kept telling myself that I was okay and nothing was going to happen. I kept blinking my eyes and trying to think of happy thoughts.
To my surprise, Rob just held me. He just held me and told me everything was going to be okay. Nothing bad was going to happen and more importantly, our marriage was going to make it through this. I kept apologizing for crying and getting mascara and eyeliner all over his shoulder and chest. I kept apologizing for keeping him up (he was settling down to go to sleep). He just held me tight and stroked my hair. I tried to pull away and he refused to let go.
I kept saying that I should not be crying and I needed to be strong for him. He looked at me and said, "Babe, big girls do cry". It is so true. We all need to cry some time in our lives. We can cry in the corners away from everyone, but it does not cut it. We, as humans, require the comfort of another human being when we are upset. Bobby always comes straight to me when he is scared, hurt or just wants to be kissed and love. We desire that affection. We need that affection. Yet, society tells us that we need to hide our emotions and put on a mask to show that we are all okay. We are all normal and that nothing is wrong.
Tears are normal. They are there when we are happy, sad, in pain, angry, guilty etc. Any type of emotion that you feel, you can have tears. I cried when I said good-bye to Robert when he left for BCT and I cried when I saw him at graduation. I will cry when I see him off and I will cry when he comes home. Crying is a part of our lives and we need to do it every once in a while. Crying releases all penned-up emotions. After I ran out of tears and Robert had me laughing (he is very good at that), I felt at peace. I felt good about everything.
What is really amazing, this whole time, I have been holding back my tears because I did not want Robert to think I was weak. I acted like everything was fine and it did not bother me. I was going to stay strong for him. I was perfectly fine with him deploying. Yet, after tonight, Robert told me he was glad I cried. He was glad I finally released all my emotions. It showed him that I was really going to miss him. This whole time, I had been hiding emotions because I thought it was what he needed. When in reality, he needed to see my emotions. He needed to know that I love him so much and I will miss him something awful. What I thought was best for him, was not what was best for either of us.
So, all in all, big girls DO cry. They cry when they are happy, sad and whatever else they are feeling. They are normal. That is probably the only "normal" thing about me. This deployment is going to teach Robert and I a lot about each other and about ourselves. I am a big girl, I wear big girl panties, but I do cry.
I hate crying. I always saw it as a weakness. Why cry? It shows people that are you vulnerable and that you do not have it all together. I hated showing it to anyone, including Rob, especially Rob. I want him to leave knowing that I have everything under control and that I am put together.
I got his orders a couple of weeks ago and no tears. I was surprised. I thought for sure that as soon as I got those, I was going to bawl my eyes out. Yet, no tears came. Nothing. I thought, hmm...maybe I was handling this much better than I thought I would. I surprised myself and I knew that I could do it. No big deal. He will be leaving for a year and then we will be back together until he deploys again. No big deal right?
Tonight, for some reason, I could no longer hold the tears back. I could not keep them in and I could not stop them. I tried to play it off like I was okay and nothing was wrong. I knew he was so proud of me and how I was handling this whole thing. I did not want to let him down. Tonight, I could not stop crying. I kept telling myself that I was okay and nothing was going to happen. I kept blinking my eyes and trying to think of happy thoughts.
To my surprise, Rob just held me. He just held me and told me everything was going to be okay. Nothing bad was going to happen and more importantly, our marriage was going to make it through this. I kept apologizing for crying and getting mascara and eyeliner all over his shoulder and chest. I kept apologizing for keeping him up (he was settling down to go to sleep). He just held me tight and stroked my hair. I tried to pull away and he refused to let go.
I kept saying that I should not be crying and I needed to be strong for him. He looked at me and said, "Babe, big girls do cry". It is so true. We all need to cry some time in our lives. We can cry in the corners away from everyone, but it does not cut it. We, as humans, require the comfort of another human being when we are upset. Bobby always comes straight to me when he is scared, hurt or just wants to be kissed and love. We desire that affection. We need that affection. Yet, society tells us that we need to hide our emotions and put on a mask to show that we are all okay. We are all normal and that nothing is wrong.
Tears are normal. They are there when we are happy, sad, in pain, angry, guilty etc. Any type of emotion that you feel, you can have tears. I cried when I said good-bye to Robert when he left for BCT and I cried when I saw him at graduation. I will cry when I see him off and I will cry when he comes home. Crying is a part of our lives and we need to do it every once in a while. Crying releases all penned-up emotions. After I ran out of tears and Robert had me laughing (he is very good at that), I felt at peace. I felt good about everything.
What is really amazing, this whole time, I have been holding back my tears because I did not want Robert to think I was weak. I acted like everything was fine and it did not bother me. I was going to stay strong for him. I was perfectly fine with him deploying. Yet, after tonight, Robert told me he was glad I cried. He was glad I finally released all my emotions. It showed him that I was really going to miss him. This whole time, I had been hiding emotions because I thought it was what he needed. When in reality, he needed to see my emotions. He needed to know that I love him so much and I will miss him something awful. What I thought was best for him, was not what was best for either of us.
So, all in all, big girls DO cry. They cry when they are happy, sad and whatever else they are feeling. They are normal. That is probably the only "normal" thing about me. This deployment is going to teach Robert and I a lot about each other and about ourselves. I am a big girl, I wear big girl panties, but I do cry.
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