Trying to figure it out

Isn't it really funny that we sometimes have dreams and ambitions, yet when we actually sit down and think about them, we can't figure out how to fulfill them?? I think it's oddly strange and completely unfair since it's pretty much torture. You sit there trying to figure it out, yet you can't.

I really want to be able to work from home. I want to be able to start up my own business. I want to be able to keep myself busy (Even though the two boys and FRG will do that for me) while Rob is deployed. I get so excited and then when I sit down to brainstorm, I have no idea what direction I want to go. I thought about doing something with sewing, but I don't know. Then I thought about doing jewelry, yet I would have no idea what to do. I really really want to do this, yet I have no idea what to do or how to do it. Seriously?? Why give me this idea and not give me a solution? It's like a bad algebra problem all over again.

I really want to keep myself busy while he deploys and I know that two boys and being FRG leader will do a good job, but I just want to be able to make the days fly by and the homecoming to be here. Yet, I am running out of ideas to do that. I thought about going to EMT school and getting myself EMT certified so that I could work while he is gone. I planned on being a paramedic once I got my degree and was able to pursue the paramedic field. Why not get a early start on things? Then I realized that I would be taking on too much for myself. I mean being both parents, going to school full time, being FRG leader and keeping a husband who is thousands miles away upbeat, is going to be challenging enough. I don't need to spend the $700 for the class and have to drop out due to the fact that I am overwhelmed. I cannot guarantee that I would be able to fully focus on that.

GRR!!!! Why is this soo darn difficult?? Why can't this be easy? I mean, I got the passion and the drive for it, just don't have the actual thing. I am seriously trying to figure this all out now because I am going to have my hands full with Rob being gone. I want to have a chance to get used to it and get accustomed to it before he leaves, but the rate things are going, I doubt I will even figure it out soon. GRRRR!!!! I swear that things are just not as easy as I want them to be. LOL...If only I had an easy button like the Staples commercials.

I know that once I find it, I will know it's for me. Until then, I am going to pick my brain and other brains of other people. I just don't understand why it is so hard. I am about to freaking scream my lungs out in hopes that if I can get my frustration out, I can figure it all out. Maybe, I should just let it come to me. I just need to forget about it and let the opportunity present itself to me. That idea seems just too easy though. Real easy.

Who knows! I will eventually figure it out and when I do, I will be soo excited and very relieved :)