Next week is Jayden's first birthday!! I am super excited to celebrate it. It's bittersweet though, because Rob will miss out on it. He missed out on Bobby's first birthday and now missed out on Jay's. We will def miss him at the party, but will make sure that we know he is here in spirit.
Anyways, I am trying to mdo a monkey party for Jay. His nursery was done in monkeys and I would love to do his party in monkeys. Bobby's nursery and first birthday was Winnie the Pooh. So, I like to keep their first birthdays in sync with their nurseries.
I have to plan Jayden's monkey birthday and then turn around and plan a Scooby Doo party for Bobby. That should make things interesting.
So, I figured that a monkey party would be easy to plan out. Yep, it's not. I've been spending days on trying to figure out how to make a monkey cake. I want to make the cake myself and I am going to attempt to make a monkey face cake. Attempt. Last year for Bobby's second birthday, I attemped to make a Mickey Mouse cake with a Mickey Mouse pan. Did not work, it kind of fell apart and it was a disaster. I ended up having to quickly go out and buy a cake for his birthday all within minutes of his party. I actually had guests arriving when I left to go get a cake. I am praying that this does not happen to Jayden's cake. I am building it this time and it should be easier. I've never built a cake and I've never made a monkey cake. If it works out, I will attempt to make a Scooby-Doo cake for Bobby.
What the heck do you serve for a monkey birthday? I am desperately searching for food related to monkey. I think I may just throw some things together and call it even. His party is right at dinner time so I think I will just make appetizer entrees. Should be easy enough. I am going to make his cake the night before just in case something happens to it and I have to run out first thing in the morning.
If something happens, I may go to Food Lion. I have friends in the bakery that may be able to whip something up for me. Who knows.
I am literally going bananas over planning a monkey party. Rob's not here which makes things a little worse. I am so glad that I moved home when I did. Rob may not be here, but Jayden is surrounded by family and friends that love him. Daddy may not be here, but family is. Thank God for family. Moving home was the best decision that I could have made. Just wish that I had made it sooner.
I will keep everyone posted on how my monkey cake turns out. It should be interesting and hopefully it won't turn out to be a complete disaster.
Thursday, April 12, 2012
Saturday, March 31, 2012
Whew
Whew. I haven't written in while. My apologies. There have been unseen changes that have happened and I've been WAY too busy to write. Anyways, I am back and glad that I am.
I am now writing to y'all from Virginia. I moved home last week. I am so excited to be back in Virginia and back to where I belong. El Paso was a good city, but I am glad to be back in the country and away from the busy city life. Everything is so much more simple. People are in no rush to get places and it's just amazing to be back.
I got a small apartment that is perfect for the boys and me. It's really small (in comparison to the three bed room house we had in El Paso). Robert's RnR was perfect timing because he came home just in time to help me make the drive up here. The drive is about 28 hours. I was able to downsize a lot and I fit what we needed into a 5x8 U-Haul trailer that we towed behind our Rav4.
It's so nice having to live around Army 24/7. Living on a military installation, it was Army 24/7 and everything was regulated and controlled. You couldn't water your grass during a certain time, you had to do this and do that. Even the day after a massive sand storm (winds 80 mph), I got a notice at 7 am that my back yard was in disarray and I had 48 hours to fix it. Seriously? The sand storm had winds up to 80 mph and they stopped shortly after I went to bed.
Now, I am back to the simple way of living. I am back to dirt roads and GRASS. There is green green grass everywhere. It has rained a total of three times since being back. Three times!!! Oh how I've missed the rain. We drove through a lot of it coming up here and now we are getting here. It's awesome to finally have seasons again. Rob and I both hope we never get stationed in Texas again. Some people actually love El Paso. I am not saying it was a bad city. I love parts of El Paso. It was so easy to have everything right there in close proximity of everything. I made some amazing friends in El Paso that I hated to leave.
So, now I am back in Virginia and I cannot wait to have everything in its own little place and get on with getting this darn deployment over. I cannot wait until we are a family yet again.
I am now writing to y'all from Virginia. I moved home last week. I am so excited to be back in Virginia and back to where I belong. El Paso was a good city, but I am glad to be back in the country and away from the busy city life. Everything is so much more simple. People are in no rush to get places and it's just amazing to be back.
I got a small apartment that is perfect for the boys and me. It's really small (in comparison to the three bed room house we had in El Paso). Robert's RnR was perfect timing because he came home just in time to help me make the drive up here. The drive is about 28 hours. I was able to downsize a lot and I fit what we needed into a 5x8 U-Haul trailer that we towed behind our Rav4.
It's so nice having to live around Army 24/7. Living on a military installation, it was Army 24/7 and everything was regulated and controlled. You couldn't water your grass during a certain time, you had to do this and do that. Even the day after a massive sand storm (winds 80 mph), I got a notice at 7 am that my back yard was in disarray and I had 48 hours to fix it. Seriously? The sand storm had winds up to 80 mph and they stopped shortly after I went to bed.
Now, I am back to the simple way of living. I am back to dirt roads and GRASS. There is green green grass everywhere. It has rained a total of three times since being back. Three times!!! Oh how I've missed the rain. We drove through a lot of it coming up here and now we are getting here. It's awesome to finally have seasons again. Rob and I both hope we never get stationed in Texas again. Some people actually love El Paso. I am not saying it was a bad city. I love parts of El Paso. It was so easy to have everything right there in close proximity of everything. I made some amazing friends in El Paso that I hated to leave.
So, now I am back in Virginia and I cannot wait to have everything in its own little place and get on with getting this darn deployment over. I cannot wait until we are a family yet again.
Monday, February 6, 2012
Butterflies
Do you know what is the best part of a butterfly? It is not their beauty, but it is their second chance on life. It is the fact that they can be something ugly, make a choice to change and turn into something beautiful. They take the pain and use it to become beautiful.
I love butterflies because of their second chance on life. I hit a really low low. I was headed no where but down. I did some things that I was not proud of and behaved because of the way I viewed myself. Things that happened in the past that made me look at myself. I did not have the confidence nor the drive to get the confidence. I became really depressed and just turned into someone that I was not happy to be. I needed a change, but was not ready for it nor wanted to drive towards to it.
It wasn't until my best friends stepped in and pretty much gave me an ultimatum before I saw what I was doing to myself. I hated them for a couple of days. I was not happy with them, but I knew that they were right. I immediately snapped out of the self-misery that I was wallowing in and decided that now was a time to be challenged and change. It was not up to anyone to do it for me, but it was up to me to do the change.
So, almost two weeks later, I've made leaps and bounds and I am really trying to get everything back on track and my head back on. It is not easy and often is painful. I have to work through issues that have piled up through the years and I have to be diligent enough to work on it. It will be an every day battle for me. It will be a struggle because I have to wake up every day with battles going on in my mind. I have to stop resorting back to bad behaviors and I have to continue improving myself. When you've been in habits every day for years, it is super hard to break. Hence why it is a hard battle every day.
It doesn't help that I have ADHD and I can't stay focused long. I have to remind myself to remain focused when I get distracted. It is a working progress. I mean, I just hate that I have to work this hard just to get back to where I was, but it will be worth it.
I not only have to learn to beat bad behaviors, but I also have to build my confidence and self-esteem back up and I have to learn to forgive some people who have hurt me. People I have trusted. It is one thing to say, "I forgive you" and it's another thing to actually know how to and mean it. I am trying to learn that. I am really trying to learn how to forgive and forget, just like Jesus talked about.
As a part of my molting process, I am going to be trying a new church. I was supposed to try it on Sunday, but my youngest had a fever and I couldn't make it. So, I am trying it this Sunday. I am super excited about it, but yet I am very anxious about it to. I hate going somewhere I don't know anyone alone. Yet, that is a part of me trying to be better. I have to work through my anxiety about going new places by myself. I just hate it, but I need to conquer that.
I am just trying to make sense of everything and trying to figure out things for myself. I just know that this will all be worth it in the end and I am going to be someone and make something of myself because of this. I am excited for the change. I am changing both inside and out. Hair, getting in shape and actually putting time into my appearance is all a part of the outside. That is the fun stuff, not the inside work. Yet, the inside work is the hardest.
I cannot wait until it is my turn to be a butterfly. Until I can break through my shell and spread my wings and fly. As cliche that it sounds, it fits the situation perfectly. My time to be a butterfly will come and when it does come, it will be amazing and people will look at what I was and who I became and be amazed. Just like when they see the caterpillar rolling its cocoon and then coming out as a butterfly. Amazed
I love butterflies because of their second chance on life. I hit a really low low. I was headed no where but down. I did some things that I was not proud of and behaved because of the way I viewed myself. Things that happened in the past that made me look at myself. I did not have the confidence nor the drive to get the confidence. I became really depressed and just turned into someone that I was not happy to be. I needed a change, but was not ready for it nor wanted to drive towards to it.
It wasn't until my best friends stepped in and pretty much gave me an ultimatum before I saw what I was doing to myself. I hated them for a couple of days. I was not happy with them, but I knew that they were right. I immediately snapped out of the self-misery that I was wallowing in and decided that now was a time to be challenged and change. It was not up to anyone to do it for me, but it was up to me to do the change.
So, almost two weeks later, I've made leaps and bounds and I am really trying to get everything back on track and my head back on. It is not easy and often is painful. I have to work through issues that have piled up through the years and I have to be diligent enough to work on it. It will be an every day battle for me. It will be a struggle because I have to wake up every day with battles going on in my mind. I have to stop resorting back to bad behaviors and I have to continue improving myself. When you've been in habits every day for years, it is super hard to break. Hence why it is a hard battle every day.
It doesn't help that I have ADHD and I can't stay focused long. I have to remind myself to remain focused when I get distracted. It is a working progress. I mean, I just hate that I have to work this hard just to get back to where I was, but it will be worth it.
I not only have to learn to beat bad behaviors, but I also have to build my confidence and self-esteem back up and I have to learn to forgive some people who have hurt me. People I have trusted. It is one thing to say, "I forgive you" and it's another thing to actually know how to and mean it. I am trying to learn that. I am really trying to learn how to forgive and forget, just like Jesus talked about.
As a part of my molting process, I am going to be trying a new church. I was supposed to try it on Sunday, but my youngest had a fever and I couldn't make it. So, I am trying it this Sunday. I am super excited about it, but yet I am very anxious about it to. I hate going somewhere I don't know anyone alone. Yet, that is a part of me trying to be better. I have to work through my anxiety about going new places by myself. I just hate it, but I need to conquer that.
I am just trying to make sense of everything and trying to figure out things for myself. I just know that this will all be worth it in the end and I am going to be someone and make something of myself because of this. I am excited for the change. I am changing both inside and out. Hair, getting in shape and actually putting time into my appearance is all a part of the outside. That is the fun stuff, not the inside work. Yet, the inside work is the hardest.
I cannot wait until it is my turn to be a butterfly. Until I can break through my shell and spread my wings and fly. As cliche that it sounds, it fits the situation perfectly. My time to be a butterfly will come and when it does come, it will be amazing and people will look at what I was and who I became and be amazed. Just like when they see the caterpillar rolling its cocoon and then coming out as a butterfly. Amazed
Sunday, January 22, 2012
Project
I seriously need to stop forgetting to post. I love blogging and I love writing, yet I cannot for the life of me remember to post.
So, we made it through the first month of this deployment. Heck ya! The say the first month is the worst and the first three-four months are bad. So, I guess I only have three more months before it becomes normal. We hope right?
So, I am completely jealous of people who own quilts. I want a quilt. I used to have one when I was little. My mom did my room in a log cabin theme. I had a old fashion quilts and bedspread. She had a huge bookshelf put in and on either side of that bookshelf, I had tea light lanterns hanging. We lived in a log house so that added to the affect. I love quilts and think they are beautiful. Yet, to get one my own, I cannot find one that I like. They are all too traditional and they do not fit the decor of our house.
To solve the problem, I have decided to make my own. I have yet decided if I am going to hand-sew it or machine-sew it. It depends on what is better and what looks prettier. I've already decided that I want it black and white. Our house is black and white and red. Our living room has black, red and tan furniture, our guest room has a black, grey,white and red bedding and the master room has red, grey and white bedding. Our bathroom is even black, grey and white. We love those color combinations so I can't imagine have a blue, tan, red kind of quilt. I love black and white together and that's how I want the quilt.
So, my cooking project has been on hold per my husband's request. He wants to wait after we pay off everything before I start investing into cooking. So, on top of my cooking adventure, I am going to be quilting. This deployment has given me my ups and downs. Each person deals with it differently, and I am making it. I am pretty much stuck at home all the time. So, with a huge cooking project and then a quilting project, I should be busy :). Anyways, I have a lot of research to do. I am hoping to have everything bought and ready by the beginning of March.
Projects in the works:
So, we made it through the first month of this deployment. Heck ya! The say the first month is the worst and the first three-four months are bad. So, I guess I only have three more months before it becomes normal. We hope right?
So, I am completely jealous of people who own quilts. I want a quilt. I used to have one when I was little. My mom did my room in a log cabin theme. I had a old fashion quilts and bedspread. She had a huge bookshelf put in and on either side of that bookshelf, I had tea light lanterns hanging. We lived in a log house so that added to the affect. I love quilts and think they are beautiful. Yet, to get one my own, I cannot find one that I like. They are all too traditional and they do not fit the decor of our house.
To solve the problem, I have decided to make my own. I have yet decided if I am going to hand-sew it or machine-sew it. It depends on what is better and what looks prettier. I've already decided that I want it black and white. Our house is black and white and red. Our living room has black, red and tan furniture, our guest room has a black, grey,white and red bedding and the master room has red, grey and white bedding. Our bathroom is even black, grey and white. We love those color combinations so I can't imagine have a blue, tan, red kind of quilt. I love black and white together and that's how I want the quilt.
So, my cooking project has been on hold per my husband's request. He wants to wait after we pay off everything before I start investing into cooking. So, on top of my cooking adventure, I am going to be quilting. This deployment has given me my ups and downs. Each person deals with it differently, and I am making it. I am pretty much stuck at home all the time. So, with a huge cooking project and then a quilting project, I should be busy :). Anyways, I have a lot of research to do. I am hoping to have everything bought and ready by the beginning of March.
Projects in the works:
- Cooking
- Quilting
- Going to the gym/getting in tip top shape to run a marathon
Sunday, January 8, 2012
Support
Sorry that I've not written in a while. I actually have started journal-ling lately because Rob and I are keeping deployment journals. So, instead of blogging, I've been writing. Not to mention, I have been trying to adjust to doing everything on my own.
Life has been full of adjustments the last three weeks. Bobby went from being well-behaved to being out of control. He has been testing me left and right and I've broken down more over his behavior than Rob being deployed. I did not think that the deployment would have this big of an affect on him, but it has. I thought maybe after the first week, he would be better. That is how it was when Rob went to the field. Yet, we are approaching week three and he is still adjusting. We both are, but the good thing, we are doing it together. We are both learning how to do things with Rob being here. He is opening up again.
I can hardly believe that this deployment has been going by so fast. I mean, I can't believe that I am one week shy of making it through the first month. Are you serious? That is just mind boggling to me. I could never imagine in a million years that this deployment would be going by so fast. I mean, please do not get me wrong. I have my bad days where I feel like this deployment will never end and I get so bitter and cry. I do have my bad days where I just want to be alone. I was just able to eat Taco Bell (his favorite place to eat), I am trying to sleep in my bed for the first time since he left. We have a king size bed and it is just so empty. My Christmas tree is still up. I cannot bring myself to take it down because it was the last thing we did together.
I am blessed. I have an amazing support system here. I was debating on moving home because I was scared to do this alone. I wanted to be home with my family so that I had help with the boys. Yet, I would have kicked myself if I did. I have amazing friends and we are constantly doing things with each other and supporting each other through this. People have been telling me that I am forgetting my husband because I am constantly going out and having fun. I recently took Bobby to his first football game. We are having fun. That is what I need and what the boys need. I do not want them to remember the deployment as mommy crying all the time. I want them to remember all the fun activities that we did. Not to mention, Rob is excited that I am getting out and about and not sitting home.
The key to making a deployment easier to bare is a great support system. I am so grateful that I have mine and that they are there for me. They are even there for me on my bad days and are always so forgiving if I say something stupid (I do that a lot). I wouldn't be able to do this deployment without them and it is amazing how close you can become to some one.
Life has been full of adjustments the last three weeks. Bobby went from being well-behaved to being out of control. He has been testing me left and right and I've broken down more over his behavior than Rob being deployed. I did not think that the deployment would have this big of an affect on him, but it has. I thought maybe after the first week, he would be better. That is how it was when Rob went to the field. Yet, we are approaching week three and he is still adjusting. We both are, but the good thing, we are doing it together. We are both learning how to do things with Rob being here. He is opening up again.
I can hardly believe that this deployment has been going by so fast. I mean, I can't believe that I am one week shy of making it through the first month. Are you serious? That is just mind boggling to me. I could never imagine in a million years that this deployment would be going by so fast. I mean, please do not get me wrong. I have my bad days where I feel like this deployment will never end and I get so bitter and cry. I do have my bad days where I just want to be alone. I was just able to eat Taco Bell (his favorite place to eat), I am trying to sleep in my bed for the first time since he left. We have a king size bed and it is just so empty. My Christmas tree is still up. I cannot bring myself to take it down because it was the last thing we did together.
I am blessed. I have an amazing support system here. I was debating on moving home because I was scared to do this alone. I wanted to be home with my family so that I had help with the boys. Yet, I would have kicked myself if I did. I have amazing friends and we are constantly doing things with each other and supporting each other through this. People have been telling me that I am forgetting my husband because I am constantly going out and having fun. I recently took Bobby to his first football game. We are having fun. That is what I need and what the boys need. I do not want them to remember the deployment as mommy crying all the time. I want them to remember all the fun activities that we did. Not to mention, Rob is excited that I am getting out and about and not sitting home.
The key to making a deployment easier to bare is a great support system. I am so grateful that I have mine and that they are there for me. They are even there for me on my bad days and are always so forgiving if I say something stupid (I do that a lot). I wouldn't be able to do this deployment without them and it is amazing how close you can become to some one.
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