So, I have been worried how I will handle things when Rob deploys. I will totally in charge of everything while he is gone. As I mentioned in a previous post, I am a high stress person. I stress out easily whenever I feel like I am overwhelmed.
Yesterday, I had a pretest. I say it is a pretest because it is not the deployment, it was during the field, but it was a test. So, the bed and breakfast that we reserved a room for our get away withdrew the deposit. I was horrified. The owner had told me that he wouldn't and yet a month after I made the reservation, they took out the depsosit. I quickly had a moment of panic because that left us with hardly any money and we had a bill due on Friday. I called Robert immediately and told him not to buy ANYTHING. I then had to explain to him what happened. He freaked out and I calmly reassured him that I had everything under control.
I called the owner and I asked him what happened. He was horrified and quickly corrected the mistake. What had happened that an employee saw that we had not paid a deposit and they went ahead and took it. I called USAA and asked how long it would take. To my horror, they told me that it would not be in our account until Monday. I just want to cry. I cannot believe this was happening to me. I am sick as can and yet, I am trying to fix this.
My mind is racing and I am trying to figure out how to work this. We have USAA but they have no ATMs here so depositing money results in going to Walmart and using Western Union. Our WalMarts are suicide to go to. I called Direct Tv and removed us from the recurring debit payment. That way I can just send them the cash and they wouldn't withdraw it from our account.
I call USAA back again and the second person told me that the owner of the bed and breakfast could call and cancel it and the money would be immediately refunded. Easy right?? NO!!!!!!! He gave me instructions to give to the owner and the owner called back and said that it didn't work. So, I called USAA and they told me to try to get him on a 3 way call. Okay, not hard. Yea, USAA hung up.... ARE YOU FREAKING KIDDING ME????? So, I call again and this time a LADY answered the phone. I proceeded to tell her the situation and our previous failed attempts. She then informs me that he can call them and call them directly via their extension number. WHAT???? NOW YOU TELL ME???? So, he calls and does give them what they needed. By the way, he is being awesome about this. I kept apologizing for constantly calling him, and he kept telling me not to because it was mistake on his part and he will jump through hoops to get our money back. So, he calls me and says that it's done and I should get my money back.
I thank him over and over and went to check out account. Money was not there. I called USAA after 20 mins and asked what the hold up was. The guy who I spoke with looked into and found that the guy who canceled it, removed it off one system but not the other one. So, he proceeded to remove it and BAM, it's back. It took about 2 hours to do all that. I called Direct Tv and they put us back on the recurring debit payment and it's like that never happened. By the time Rob called me after the gym (he's in the field), I was able to tell him the good news.
So, take that anxiety about deployment. If I can handle that fast and effectively and without flipping out, I can do it for deployment. :) I was so relieved that I fixed it all by myself!! Then today, Bobby pours milk over my Iphone. MY IPHONE!!!! It worked just fine but the phone kept thinking that I had headphones in. After speaking with my friends, I reset my phone and BAM-it worked just fine.
If this field training exercise did not bump my confidence up a little about deployment, I do not know what will. I am so relieved that it is over and I am so glad that I was able to prove to Robert and myself that I am capable of handling stressful situations calmly and rationally.
So, you do not know how strong you are until you HAVE to be. I just proved it... Now, if I can just beat this flu bug before tomorrow, I will be on cloud 9 :)
Thursday, October 20, 2011
Saturday, October 15, 2011
No regrets
All the advice people that give me about deployment is all about regret. Regretting that they spent a lot of time being depressed about the deployment, regretting the arguments and the silly fights that were started over nothing. Spending the whole year wishing they had spent those last months a little different. Regret. It is a powerful wound.
Robert and I have decided that for the rest of October and all of Novemeber and December (up till the day he leaves), we will have live our lives with no regret. No silly arguments, no spending time moping around, not getting stressed out over everything. We have promised each other that we will spend all the time we have in a great spirits, having fun, enjoying life, making memories and just going along with life.
It is totally easier said than done. The Army life is just one being stress headache. You wake up and there are days that you are stressed from the moment you wake up, until the moment you go to sleep. You even stress in your dreams about things. It is really bad for me, because I stress out over everything and I stress bad. If the time he was going to be released was changed by an hour, I can fly off the handle and just break down. My life was consumed in stress and depression. I wanted to get out of that and wanted to be happy again. My husband kept asking me how he can make me happy again. The only thing is, he could not make me happy. Nothing made me happy because I just assumed that once I was happy, I would be sad again.
I went to my doctor a while back and she was worthless. She pretty much walked in, asked what she could do for me. I told her that I needed help with stress management and depression. What did she do? She did not ask any questions and prescribed me Prenatal viatmins and Celxia(sp?). I took the medicine and within an hour of it, I had a horrible reaction to it. Instead of helping my anxiety, it took it and multiplied it by 100x. I literally become the Green Hulk. It was bad.
I decided to try natural remedies and vitamins. They just made me sleepy. I was literally crying every night, because I just wanted to feel normal again. I kept telling my husband that I wanted to be the wife he married and I did not know how to. I went to counseling and that was no good. One counselor told me it was normal and it was just because I was an army wife. The other one just listened to me and never spoke a word of advice or anything. I began to wonder if this is how life would be forever. I hated being stressed out and just angry all the time. I hated that I lashed out at Robert for things that were out of his control.
I feared that he would have to leave the Army because I could not handle this lifestyle. I detested that thought. I love being an Army wife. I love waking up and seeing the pride in his eyes. I remember when he would wake up and just have dread in his eyes as he got ready to go to work at his dead end job. I remember the pride in his eyes when I saw him graduate from BCT and AIT. This is where he belongs and it is where I belong. Why is it so hard for me to do something that I want to do?
I finally saw another doctor and after asking me a series of questions, she determined that there was something wrong. She gave me a schedule to follow by. Walking an hour every single day, limit caffiene intake, prescribed me sleeping medication (since I have not been sleeping) and Prozaic. Ever since then, things have started returning to normal. I still stress out, but it is not as bad and I am over it quicker. Ever since I started the medicine, I have noticed our fights have been next to nothing, Robert is happier, the boys are happier and so I am. I am not throwing up due to stress, I am not getting angry over stupid things, I am able to handle things much better. More importantly, I have been able to enstill in my husband the confidence that I can hold everything together when he is gone. The true test is going to be field time. He is leaving for a week and field time is usually the worst for me. We shall see, I have high hopes.
We have now made a pact. We refuse to let anything come between us and our family. We promise that instead of yelling and getting mad, we will hug and compliment each other. We promise each other that when things get rough with his unit (every day occurence lately), that we will laugh it off and move on. I do not want to spend the deployment wishing I did not let the unit get in the way of us. I do not want to spend the deployment wishing that I was a better wife or wishing that I had handled things better.I do not want to spend all deployment wishing that I had not given him crap about crappy things in his unit or about his unit. I do not want to spend the whole deployment wondering if Robert was over there worrying about me and how I was handling things at home. I want him to leave with the upmost confidence in me.
I love my husband with all my heart and I will stop at nothing to make his last month here is not miserable. I refuse to start an argument because of work or because the kids are driving me nuts and he doesn't have the energy to help me out. Every day, minute, hour and second is precious to us. Why waste it over stupid stuff? It doesn't make sense to me. So, no regrets.
Robert and I have decided that for the rest of October and all of Novemeber and December (up till the day he leaves), we will have live our lives with no regret. No silly arguments, no spending time moping around, not getting stressed out over everything. We have promised each other that we will spend all the time we have in a great spirits, having fun, enjoying life, making memories and just going along with life.
It is totally easier said than done. The Army life is just one being stress headache. You wake up and there are days that you are stressed from the moment you wake up, until the moment you go to sleep. You even stress in your dreams about things. It is really bad for me, because I stress out over everything and I stress bad. If the time he was going to be released was changed by an hour, I can fly off the handle and just break down. My life was consumed in stress and depression. I wanted to get out of that and wanted to be happy again. My husband kept asking me how he can make me happy again. The only thing is, he could not make me happy. Nothing made me happy because I just assumed that once I was happy, I would be sad again.
I went to my doctor a while back and she was worthless. She pretty much walked in, asked what she could do for me. I told her that I needed help with stress management and depression. What did she do? She did not ask any questions and prescribed me Prenatal viatmins and Celxia(sp?). I took the medicine and within an hour of it, I had a horrible reaction to it. Instead of helping my anxiety, it took it and multiplied it by 100x. I literally become the Green Hulk. It was bad.
I decided to try natural remedies and vitamins. They just made me sleepy. I was literally crying every night, because I just wanted to feel normal again. I kept telling my husband that I wanted to be the wife he married and I did not know how to. I went to counseling and that was no good. One counselor told me it was normal and it was just because I was an army wife. The other one just listened to me and never spoke a word of advice or anything. I began to wonder if this is how life would be forever. I hated being stressed out and just angry all the time. I hated that I lashed out at Robert for things that were out of his control.
I feared that he would have to leave the Army because I could not handle this lifestyle. I detested that thought. I love being an Army wife. I love waking up and seeing the pride in his eyes. I remember when he would wake up and just have dread in his eyes as he got ready to go to work at his dead end job. I remember the pride in his eyes when I saw him graduate from BCT and AIT. This is where he belongs and it is where I belong. Why is it so hard for me to do something that I want to do?
I finally saw another doctor and after asking me a series of questions, she determined that there was something wrong. She gave me a schedule to follow by. Walking an hour every single day, limit caffiene intake, prescribed me sleeping medication (since I have not been sleeping) and Prozaic. Ever since then, things have started returning to normal. I still stress out, but it is not as bad and I am over it quicker. Ever since I started the medicine, I have noticed our fights have been next to nothing, Robert is happier, the boys are happier and so I am. I am not throwing up due to stress, I am not getting angry over stupid things, I am able to handle things much better. More importantly, I have been able to enstill in my husband the confidence that I can hold everything together when he is gone. The true test is going to be field time. He is leaving for a week and field time is usually the worst for me. We shall see, I have high hopes.
We have now made a pact. We refuse to let anything come between us and our family. We promise that instead of yelling and getting mad, we will hug and compliment each other. We promise each other that when things get rough with his unit (every day occurence lately), that we will laugh it off and move on. I do not want to spend the deployment wishing I did not let the unit get in the way of us. I do not want to spend the deployment wishing that I was a better wife or wishing that I had handled things better.I do not want to spend all deployment wishing that I had not given him crap about crappy things in his unit or about his unit. I do not want to spend the whole deployment wondering if Robert was over there worrying about me and how I was handling things at home. I want him to leave with the upmost confidence in me.
I love my husband with all my heart and I will stop at nothing to make his last month here is not miserable. I refuse to start an argument because of work or because the kids are driving me nuts and he doesn't have the energy to help me out. Every day, minute, hour and second is precious to us. Why waste it over stupid stuff? It doesn't make sense to me. So, no regrets.
Wednesday, October 12, 2011
Adopted-Second Chance at life
A lot of people do not know this, but I am adopted. I was adopted at 17 months old. My biological parents were abusive and my older sister died of injuries that they caused. I was taken from that home and placed in another.
I was then moved to another foster home and my foster parents ( my mom and dad) fought hard to keep me forever. My mom went to the governor to plead the case and they won after much fighting. People were fighting alongside my parents. A reporter went to jail to protect his source and in the end protect me. I was finally adopted and became a Diggins.
23 years later,I am married, have two amazing boys, I am living as an Army Wife and life is great. I couldn't ask for a better life. I am enrolled into school, and I have a bright future. My husband is the most amazing husband in the world. He truly is my best friend and my soul mate.
There are times that I think to myself, what if I never got adopted. Where would I be, what would I be doing? I would have never been given the chance to go to Ridgeview Christian School, I would not have been brought up in a loving home with amazing sisters and parents. I would not have met my best friends that I have. I would have never met Robert nor would I have given birth to my two sweet little boys.
It actually scares me to think of my life without being adopted. I have seen where I would have been living and now I just think about my life. Would I have been a teen mom? Would I been a high school drop out? Would I be addicted to drugs? Questions like these run through my head. I am so grateful that I was given a second chance at life. I was given a second chance to live the life God wanted me to do :)
I have already told Robert, I want to adopt.I want to give another kid the chance I was given. I have also told him that when we do adopt, I want to adopt a child with special needs. Everyone needs to be given that second chance, specially children with special needs. They are not handicapped, they just need extra love, attention and a lot more patience. They are the most misunderstood people. They can do the same things we do, but they just do it differently.
I want to adopt a baby with Downs. They are so special and they are the most misunderstood. They give people soo much joy and everything they do, they do it with a smile. It pains me to think of how many downs babies that have been aborted because the parents did not want the extra responsibility. They are not a burden, they are a blessing.
I want to be given the great opportunity to be blessed with having a special needs child. I want the chance to make them realize that they are not the burden that society says they are. I want to make sure they know how special they truly are. God made everyone in HIS own image, this includes special needs. I believe that God put extra love into them.
I was then moved to another foster home and my foster parents ( my mom and dad) fought hard to keep me forever. My mom went to the governor to plead the case and they won after much fighting. People were fighting alongside my parents. A reporter went to jail to protect his source and in the end protect me. I was finally adopted and became a Diggins.
23 years later,I am married, have two amazing boys, I am living as an Army Wife and life is great. I couldn't ask for a better life. I am enrolled into school, and I have a bright future. My husband is the most amazing husband in the world. He truly is my best friend and my soul mate.
There are times that I think to myself, what if I never got adopted. Where would I be, what would I be doing? I would have never been given the chance to go to Ridgeview Christian School, I would not have been brought up in a loving home with amazing sisters and parents. I would not have met my best friends that I have. I would have never met Robert nor would I have given birth to my two sweet little boys.
It actually scares me to think of my life without being adopted. I have seen where I would have been living and now I just think about my life. Would I have been a teen mom? Would I been a high school drop out? Would I be addicted to drugs? Questions like these run through my head. I am so grateful that I was given a second chance at life. I was given a second chance to live the life God wanted me to do :)
I have already told Robert, I want to adopt.I want to give another kid the chance I was given. I have also told him that when we do adopt, I want to adopt a child with special needs. Everyone needs to be given that second chance, specially children with special needs. They are not handicapped, they just need extra love, attention and a lot more patience. They are the most misunderstood people. They can do the same things we do, but they just do it differently.
I want to adopt a baby with Downs. They are so special and they are the most misunderstood. They give people soo much joy and everything they do, they do it with a smile. It pains me to think of how many downs babies that have been aborted because the parents did not want the extra responsibility. They are not a burden, they are a blessing.
I want to be given the great opportunity to be blessed with having a special needs child. I want the chance to make them realize that they are not the burden that society says they are. I want to make sure they know how special they truly are. God made everyone in HIS own image, this includes special needs. I believe that God put extra love into them.
Wednesday, October 5, 2011
Bittersweet
Well, Robert told me last night to start mapping out our route to Virginia. He is going to start working on his leave packet for leave. I am super excited!!! I haven't seen my family since July and I am so excited to get away from the stress and all the annoyance that is here at Fort Bliss.
So, I start making the list of things that need to be done before leave. One of those things is to plan our route from El Paso to Verona. *Sigh* 1821.09 miles/27.9 hours of driving with two kids. Can you say that I am just soo excited to do it? I cannot wait!!! :)
I am so excited to finally get back home and relax. Robert and I have a 2 day get away that I have planned for us in Williamsburg. We are going to be staying at a Bed & Breakfast and go shopping and visit Ripley's Believe It or Not. :) Romantic dinner and walks along downtown Williamsburg. Did I mention that it will just be the two of us? Something that we have never done in our 3 years of marriage. We didn't even have a honeymoon. We got married and he went to work the next day. We've had Bobby and Jayden so we have never got to go away.
Anyways, back to my list. I was making a list of everything that needs to be done before we leave and I asked Rob what he needed done. He told me that he needs to assemble all his gear and pack his deployment bags. Talk about the joy kill. In all my excitement, I totally forgot that as soon as he gets back, he will deploy. Jeez... MOOD KILL!!!
This trip is bittersweet. I am soo excited to get away from everything here and get back to see family. I am glad that I will spend Thanksgiving with Family and I get to see all my friends back home. Yet, it's sad because I will be returning from a fantastic vacation to send my husband away. *Sigh*. You know what that means? I just have to make sure that this vacation is the best EVER!! I have to make sure that Bobby has wonderful memories and I have wonderful memories. I will take lots of pictures and not take anything for granted. We are fastly approaching this deployment and the closer it is, the more I am determined to just make every single second count.
I refuse to dwell on the negative. I take this as, yeah he is leaving as soon as we get back, but I will just make it so much more worth it. I love my husband and I want him deploying with happy/fond memories that we made while on leave. Not just memories that him and I will make, but memories as a family. We are not just a married couple, we are a family. :) We have to make sure that our memories include our family because when it comes down to it, the one who will need those memories the most, is Bobby.
So, instead of focusing on deployment, I shall make it a point not to even bring it up. A rule that I will make is that while we are back in Virginia on leave, I will not bring up deployment unless it is necessary. Let's make this the best vacation EVER :)
So, I start making the list of things that need to be done before leave. One of those things is to plan our route from El Paso to Verona. *Sigh* 1821.09 miles/27.9 hours of driving with two kids. Can you say that I am just soo excited to do it? I cannot wait!!! :)
I am so excited to finally get back home and relax. Robert and I have a 2 day get away that I have planned for us in Williamsburg. We are going to be staying at a Bed & Breakfast and go shopping and visit Ripley's Believe It or Not. :) Romantic dinner and walks along downtown Williamsburg. Did I mention that it will just be the two of us? Something that we have never done in our 3 years of marriage. We didn't even have a honeymoon. We got married and he went to work the next day. We've had Bobby and Jayden so we have never got to go away.
Anyways, back to my list. I was making a list of everything that needs to be done before we leave and I asked Rob what he needed done. He told me that he needs to assemble all his gear and pack his deployment bags. Talk about the joy kill. In all my excitement, I totally forgot that as soon as he gets back, he will deploy. Jeez... MOOD KILL!!!
This trip is bittersweet. I am soo excited to get away from everything here and get back to see family. I am glad that I will spend Thanksgiving with Family and I get to see all my friends back home. Yet, it's sad because I will be returning from a fantastic vacation to send my husband away. *Sigh*. You know what that means? I just have to make sure that this vacation is the best EVER!! I have to make sure that Bobby has wonderful memories and I have wonderful memories. I will take lots of pictures and not take anything for granted. We are fastly approaching this deployment and the closer it is, the more I am determined to just make every single second count.
I refuse to dwell on the negative. I take this as, yeah he is leaving as soon as we get back, but I will just make it so much more worth it. I love my husband and I want him deploying with happy/fond memories that we made while on leave. Not just memories that him and I will make, but memories as a family. We are not just a married couple, we are a family. :) We have to make sure that our memories include our family because when it comes down to it, the one who will need those memories the most, is Bobby.
So, instead of focusing on deployment, I shall make it a point not to even bring it up. A rule that I will make is that while we are back in Virginia on leave, I will not bring up deployment unless it is necessary. Let's make this the best vacation EVER :)
Monday, October 3, 2011
Out of sight-out of mind
Have you ever heard of the expression, out of mind, out of sight? Well, aparently, that is my new line of thinking towards the deployment. I am not sure if it is heathly way of thinking.
Rob told me this morning that he was coming home with two bags of deployment gear and I interrupted him and said no you are not. I told him that that stuff will not be entering my home in any time and I am content to leave it in the car until he deploys. I know that I will not nor can he leave it in our car. It just made me feel comforted to say that.
I seem to think that if I do not see his gear or any orders, then the deployment will not happen and everything will be normal. It is a bad dream that I will wake up soon enough and laugh over. NEWS FLASH: IT IS NOT!!!! I totally thought that I was semi over with this preparation for deployment and yet, as soon as he as soon mentioned his gear coming home, I went back to my old way of thinking. Out of sight, out of mind. I am back to denying the fact that he is leaving and is leaving soon.
I hope that as soon as we get his orders, then it will be the last thing that I will have to deal with pre-deployment. He has off the next two days in addition to a four day. So, with that being said, we are going to knock out some of the not-so-fun pre-deployment stuff that needs to be done. I think we are going to be going up to JAG to get the power of attorney so that I have his power just in case I have to deal with something. I have a list of things that need to be done before deployment and I am pretty good with my to do lists. Except, the pre-deployment list doesn't seem to be getting done. I do not want to be doing things at the last minute and yet, I do not want to do it. I guess that I am just assuming that it will be done magically and I won't have to do any of it. Here's to hoping.
I may be a horrible wife for saying this, but I am just ready for him to deploy. The emotions and all the prepartions are getting overwhelming. I just want it done and over with. I want to start moving on and I want all this crap to go away. I just want to have him gone soley so things can be established, routines made and life will go on. I love him to death and I do not want to him to deploy. Yet, for emotional purposes and for sanity, I just want all the pre-deployment crap to stop and to go away. Does that make sense at all?? Please do not think that I am waiting for my husband to leave and that as soon as he leaves, I am going to be a happy wife. THAT IS NOT THE CASE... I am preparing for the love of my life to leave and I love him with EVERY ounce of my being. I just want to be done with the ups and downs and want to accept the fact that he is gone and I can start looking forward to his homecoming. I want to stop dreading this. I want my countdowns to go towards something happy and not something sad. I want my countdowns to be how many days until I see him, not lose him. Does it make sense now? SIGH!!!!
Out of sight, out of mind.
Rob told me this morning that he was coming home with two bags of deployment gear and I interrupted him and said no you are not. I told him that that stuff will not be entering my home in any time and I am content to leave it in the car until he deploys. I know that I will not nor can he leave it in our car. It just made me feel comforted to say that.
I seem to think that if I do not see his gear or any orders, then the deployment will not happen and everything will be normal. It is a bad dream that I will wake up soon enough and laugh over. NEWS FLASH: IT IS NOT!!!! I totally thought that I was semi over with this preparation for deployment and yet, as soon as he as soon mentioned his gear coming home, I went back to my old way of thinking. Out of sight, out of mind. I am back to denying the fact that he is leaving and is leaving soon.
I hope that as soon as we get his orders, then it will be the last thing that I will have to deal with pre-deployment. He has off the next two days in addition to a four day. So, with that being said, we are going to knock out some of the not-so-fun pre-deployment stuff that needs to be done. I think we are going to be going up to JAG to get the power of attorney so that I have his power just in case I have to deal with something. I have a list of things that need to be done before deployment and I am pretty good with my to do lists. Except, the pre-deployment list doesn't seem to be getting done. I do not want to be doing things at the last minute and yet, I do not want to do it. I guess that I am just assuming that it will be done magically and I won't have to do any of it. Here's to hoping.
I may be a horrible wife for saying this, but I am just ready for him to deploy. The emotions and all the prepartions are getting overwhelming. I just want it done and over with. I want to start moving on and I want all this crap to go away. I just want to have him gone soley so things can be established, routines made and life will go on. I love him to death and I do not want to him to deploy. Yet, for emotional purposes and for sanity, I just want all the pre-deployment crap to stop and to go away. Does that make sense at all?? Please do not think that I am waiting for my husband to leave and that as soon as he leaves, I am going to be a happy wife. THAT IS NOT THE CASE... I am preparing for the love of my life to leave and I love him with EVERY ounce of my being. I just want to be done with the ups and downs and want to accept the fact that he is gone and I can start looking forward to his homecoming. I want to stop dreading this. I want my countdowns to go towards something happy and not something sad. I want my countdowns to be how many days until I see him, not lose him. Does it make sense now? SIGH!!!!
Out of sight, out of mind.
Sunday, October 2, 2011
Different People
I do not understand why people often judge other people due to the way they handle things. Ever since around August/September, Rob's deployment has been really becoming very real to me. He should get his orders very soon and I've been emotional. I have been gathering stuff for his deployment and doing some projects for him when he deploys. Some of the projects are emotional for me to do and the fact that he is leaving is very sad for me.
I am the type of person that I will be at my worst right before he leaves. I prepare myself for it and then give me like 2 or 3 days after he leaves to mourn and I will be fine. That is how I am. I am fine once he leaves, but I am emotional right before he leaves. Rob is the type of person that the worst is right as he is leaving. So, it works for us. We are able to keep us strong. Right now, he is keeping us strong and keeping everything stronger. When he will need me, I will be there for him and I will be the one who is strong. Why is it wrong that the months before he leaves-I am allowing myself to prepare and allow myself to accept it.
I do want to feel unprepared and I don't want to be caught with my pants down. We will be given a date, but who knows, they may change it and he may leave sooner that expected. So, instead of having to prepare the last minute, I allow myself to feel everything beforehand. Why is that soo wrong?? I am a different person and the way that I handle my emotions may be different than the way that you do. It doesn't mean that I am a bad person.
I am not letting it affect my relationship with my husband. It is actually bringing us together. I am not spending each day dreading the deployment and I am not allowing it to stress me out. When I think about it and I start to cry, I just let myself. He holds me and tells me that everything will be okay. I feel better after I get it out and we move on with our day. We are enjoying the time that we have left and I am so thankful that I am able to do this. I cannot help that I handle things before something, it is who I am. I never thought it was a bad thing. I love my husband and he is greatful that I am doing it all beforehand. He knows that I won't breakdown after he leaves, and that I will be able to move on and do what I got to do. I love my husband for understanding me and understanding why I do the things I do.
I am the type of person that I will be at my worst right before he leaves. I prepare myself for it and then give me like 2 or 3 days after he leaves to mourn and I will be fine. That is how I am. I am fine once he leaves, but I am emotional right before he leaves. Rob is the type of person that the worst is right as he is leaving. So, it works for us. We are able to keep us strong. Right now, he is keeping us strong and keeping everything stronger. When he will need me, I will be there for him and I will be the one who is strong. Why is it wrong that the months before he leaves-I am allowing myself to prepare and allow myself to accept it.
I do want to feel unprepared and I don't want to be caught with my pants down. We will be given a date, but who knows, they may change it and he may leave sooner that expected. So, instead of having to prepare the last minute, I allow myself to feel everything beforehand. Why is that soo wrong?? I am a different person and the way that I handle my emotions may be different than the way that you do. It doesn't mean that I am a bad person.
I am not letting it affect my relationship with my husband. It is actually bringing us together. I am not spending each day dreading the deployment and I am not allowing it to stress me out. When I think about it and I start to cry, I just let myself. He holds me and tells me that everything will be okay. I feel better after I get it out and we move on with our day. We are enjoying the time that we have left and I am so thankful that I am able to do this. I cannot help that I handle things before something, it is who I am. I never thought it was a bad thing. I love my husband and he is greatful that I am doing it all beforehand. He knows that I won't breakdown after he leaves, and that I will be able to move on and do what I got to do. I love my husband for understanding me and understanding why I do the things I do.
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