Just the Beginning

The Army was so generous and moved us here to El Paso, Texas. I wasn't too thrilled about being here and when I got here, I hated it even more. Don't get me wrong, there are places I still rather be then here in El Paso. Ft. Bliss is not exactly what Robert and I are used to and it is a culture shock from the small town in Virginia that we are from.

When we first arrived back in October, I went into this state of depression. I hated every minute that I was there and I couldn't wait to get back to VA. I was counting down the days until Christmas Exodus so that I could be back where I was comfortable. I was pregnant, had a 18 month old and I just wasn't happy. We have one car and Robert uses it to get back and forth to work so I was left at home by myself with our son. I think I was on the verge of losing my mind especially when our son started teething.

We moved on post shortly after we moved here and I thought that I would be happier. Nope. Days after we moved on post, Robert was sent into the field for a week. I was soo miserable that I almost packed up and went home. Life sucked for me and I just couldn't wait to get out of ELP. I went home for three weeks during Christmas and it was soo nice, but it was only a vacation and I had to return.

I couldn't even look at my mom while I was leaving because I was trying to hold back the tears because I didn't want to leave. There was no way that I could leave my family just to go back to a place that I hated and felt so alone. I bawled for the first hour on the plane ride back. It was awful, not to mention pregnancy hormones suck!!

Well, I guess that I was not patient enough. I thought that the adjustment would be easy for me since I welcome change and I love trying new things. Somehow, this PCS (it was our first) hit me and hit me hard. I looked to Robert to make me happy and he couldn't. HE tried and tried and he would be depressed because nothing ever made me happy. I was just miserable and looking back, I feel terrible for the way that I acted.

Now, three months later, things are just coming into place. We may have found a church that we like, I am starting to get into hobbies and find stuff that I enjoy doing. I am starting to learn how to coupon shop, cloth diaper and still go to school. It seems though as soon as things start coming together, something tries to throw them all off balance. My husband got his deployment orders for this year. We will be spending Christmas without him. I am due in May and thank God he will be here for the birth of our second son.

I am starting to plugged into Ft. Bliss and the church (once we find one). I have set it in my mind that this deployment will not destroy us nor will it break me. I refuse to get down about it and I have set in my mind that I will look at only the positive. For instance, when my husband deploys, another unit (which I have friends in) will return. So, as my husband leaves, I will be watching wonderful girls get their husbands back. What a better way to look at a deployment then that? We are planning a SeaWorld vacation before he deploys as one last thing as a family and other things. As I said, I refuse to be broken by this. God has never and will never give me something that I am incapable of handling. Jeremiah 29:11 states, " For I know the plans i have for you declares the Lord, Plans to prosper and not to harm, plans to give you hope and a future".

In saying all that, I am keeping this blog so that people can see that there is hope when you PCS the first time and even if you get stuck somewhere that you hate (Yes, I still hate El Paso), it doesn't mean you have to miserable. You can follow me along as I try new things (couponing, cloth diaper, raising two kids, enduring my first deployment etc) and if you are getting ready to PCS or have already and you feel so alone, maybe you can find hope and encouragement in what I write. Military girls have to stick together no matter the branch or rank. We are all fighting the same battle, battle homefront. We all love the people who keep our country safe and we all endure the same battles.

This is going to be an adventure for our family and I challenge those who read this, to look at your situation the same way. Hooah!! :)