Falling Apart

Do you ever feel like everything is just falling apart and it is all happening at once?? I feel that way right now. Just yesterday, I was doing pretty good.

I am having issues nursing right now and not getting enough so we had to supplement. Now, my milk is just disappearing like it did with Bobby and I am just so aggravated because I feel like I am just failing my son because I want to nurse. I gave up so easy with Bobby, but I vowed this time not to. I immediately took fenurgreek and drinking mother's milk tea and yet, I Am facing the same problem. I am doing everything right, yet it still is going all wrong. I just want to nurse my child, what is soo wrong with that???? I mean COME ON!!! IT SHOULD BE NATURAL FOR A MOTHER TO DO, YET I CAN'T SEEM TO.. Why can't I do what is so natural? Why can't all the herbs that I am taking work for me?? Why do they work for everyone else, but not for me? What is so wrong with my body?? I just want to nurse my child, why is that too hard to ask??

Rob is deploying and I am trying to find a job that I can work while he is gone to bring in extra income and occupy my job. I found a really cool job that is in the Army that I could work as a civilian. The cool part is that Rob could also do this job (which is what he really wants to do in the ARmy anyways) and we could work together, yet it requires 4 months of schooling at a Army post in Missouri. There is no way that I can do that with a soldier and two kids. Who would watch the kids? He is deploying and I would have to move to Missouri with both kids, pay out of pocket for child care and an apartment since our BAH will still be going to our house here. I can't even leave anyways because I am FRG leader for our battery. :(

All I want to do is build up my resume and get my resume competitive so that when I graduate, I can get any job I want :( I just don't understand why it seems like everything is soo difficult for me right now??