Trials

These last few days have been hard, on both Bobby and me. The field time has really put into perspective how soon this deployment is. I can't imagine how I will get through this. I have a hard time doing these two week field times.

It kills me that is he is gone for two weeks and Bobby is just missing him. He cries for daddy when he goes to bed at night. I have to spray Rob's cologne on his blanket and his soldier bear for him to calm down. He begs me to read him his Hero Dad book before bedtime too. If it's this hard on him now, I can only imagine how hard it will be when the real test comes. Field time is just practice.

I literally sit here and wonder why I chose this life. I look at all those who have husband's deployed and I wonder how they do it. I spend a lot of time thinking. It kills me that he has to miss out on Bobby and Jayden's life for so long. Bobby will be 3 years old and Jayden will be 1 year old by the time he gets back.

There is talk that the guys are going out for a month right before my due date. The chance that Rob may not be there kills me. I can't imagine not giving birth with him there. I want..I need him there. I can't have him miss Jayden's birth. He is going to miss enough of Jayden's life, he doesn't need to miss his birth. He will miss Jayden's first step, possibly Jayden's first word. Rob left when Bobby was 6 months old for basic and now he is leaving the same time with Jayden.

I know this all kills him just as much as it kills me, if not more. :( I often think, if it's this hard for me, I can only imagine how hard it is on Rob. I am not the one missing out on so much. I'm not the one who has to spend a year in a foreign country away from his family. I don't like to see him struggle and he has been holding it in and trying not to think about it. I know it hurts him. He is such a great father and he adores both sons (even though he hasn't met Jayden).

These are all apart of the trials that we face as military wives. I sometimes wonder how I can do this and why I chose to do this. A saying always comes to my mind when I get like this. You never know how strong you are, until it's your only option. This saying is soo true. On days that I don't know how I can get through the day, or how I can do this much longer, I suddenly get a burst of strength. I look at Bobby and I realize that I have to be strong for him. I look at Rob and see how proud he is be an American soldier. I realize that I need to be strong for him. He goes through a lot that he doesn't tell me about. He is always strong for me, so I guess that it is my turn to be strong for him.