Hmmm

Today has been a great day. I can't complain one bit. I babysat the coolest little kid today, and then got a doctor to release Jayden when he is born. Apparently since I am delivering off post, I have to get a separate doctor that accepts Tricare Prime to release him. I got a Dr Micheal Bowen to do it. So, hopefully, everything works out and it's as easy as it sounds. Yet, with the Army and with my luck, I doubt that it can be just that easy.

Robert has CQ tomorrow,so I plan on trying to get some of this stuff on my to do list tackled. I hate CQ since it's a 24 hour shift, but I love how they get the next day off as recovery. We plan on going out and getting the last minute things for Jayden, and stuff for when mom comes to visit. Which I do have to say, I am so excited to see my mom. I can't wait. It's going to be so nice knowing that my son is in very good hands while I am bringing another one into this world. My day got way better when Robert called me to inform me that he got selected to take Friday off. So, not only do I get Thursday with him, I get Friday to. I am soaking up whatever time the Army wants to give me with him.

I am actually getting motivated now to get my to do list done. Just yesterday, I was saying that there was no way I was going to get myself motivated. I guess, I am nesting, just a tad bit early. I never got that. Nesting. It's like all the sudden you get this burst of energy to make sure that everything is perfect for the little one. Why? First off, he won't know if the floor is so clean you can see your own reflection. He won't know that the house has been dusted and washed over ten times because each time just didn't do the job. My second question, why can't we nest our entire pregnancy? I mean I could certainly use bursts of energy throughout this pregnancy, especially since I have a 22 month old that I get to chase around and a husband to pick up after. I guess we can't be that lucky huh? I think we should be able to nest the entire pregnancy.

Speaking of pregnancy, I am trying to make a birth plan for us. I did it with Bobby, but didn't follow through with it. I then had the worst birth experience and I wish not to repeat that. Thank goodness that my doctor has promised me that she will make sure it doesn't happen this time. For instance, I refuse to be given a epidural until I absolutely need it. They gave it to me when I was about 3 cm dilated and by the time I was about 7, it wore off. So, until the very last minute, I plan on just getting IV meds or maybe I won't get an epidural at all. Who am I kidding, I have to have one since I stress out when I am in pain. I just want enough meds to take the edge of it.

My mistake the first time was I was a new parent. I let the doctors walk over me and I didn't stand up for what I wanted for myself and Bobby. This time however, I know what I want and I've made it clear to my doctor. I am even putting it into writing what I want. Even down to nursing him. I was told by a doctor that I wasn't making enough milk and Bobby was suffering. This time, I will explore all options before supplementing and risking the chance he may not nurse. I will drink the teas or take the natural herbal supplements that help with the milk production. I even did my research and found the bottles that have the best chance of being able to nurse and supplement.

I am seriously hoping that in 2 weeks, I will be fully ready (haha you can never be fully ready) for his arrival. I am actually anxious to see how this birth goes. I know it will be different from Bobby's, but hopefully Jayden won't be as stubborn as his older brother. Fingers crossed :)

Confused, yet angry

I completely do not understand people these days. Fort Bliss is all about living Army "Green", yet the housing community took down our clothes lines. So, now we are being requried to use more electricity. They didn't even ask if we wanted to keep our lines. When I asked about them, I was told that they would give us a umbrella clothes line if we asked for them. So, I asked, yet was informed that they do not replace them. Umm.....hello? I need my clothes line and you didn't even ask me if you could take it down. My solution was to be like whatever, and I would go out and buy my own line. Yet, apparently I can't even do that. I have to go up to the office and get it approved since it would be considered and alteration. I don't understand them. I mean, it's not only me who has been told that they would be replaced upon request. To make things more aggravating, I have heard that other people in other areas have had their lines replaced no issue. So, why is that we are requried to recycle and urged to live green, but we are not allowed to have clothes lines out to dry our clothes? I mean, I have cloth diapers that I do not want to throw in the dryer, because they last longer when dried in the sun. This whole issue poses another problem. I need to get my cloth diapers prepped. Jayden should be here in a few weeks and I have a pile of cloth diapers to prep. Yet, since I refuse to dry them in the dryer, I will either be forced to hang dry them in the house or go fight this. Which, I plan on doing as soon as Bobby gets up. I have to go up there anyways to get some other things. I just don't understand why I can't get one straight answer and if you say you will do something, then do it. I realized today that I have till May 5th to get everything ready. Yet, I have this mentality that I have time. I have a list of last minute things that we need and I am putting them off. With Bobby, I was ready way before my due date. I have no idea why I am just in no hurry to get the rest of the stuff. It's totally not like me at all. I am the first one packed for everything and I am the first one who is fully prepared. I would even pack weeks before a trip just so that I had time to remind myself of anything I forgot. Yet, I am just dragging my feet. I will go to the store with my list of things and then just say, "Oh I have time, I will get it later" and continue to get the rest of the stuff I needed for the house. I need to start getting things ready for our hospital bag, but I guess that since I have to put that off due to BBC, I am just putting off everything else. I mean the stuff that I need isn't a lot. It's just some bottles and nursing stuff. Why is so hard for me to make myself get them? Grr....I swear that something is wrong with me. I love getting things ready and we still have to get the nursery ready, pack the bag, get last minute things, prep the diapers, register to the hospital, find a pediatricin and I think that's it. Hmm....I need to get my butt in gear huh?

Jeez

I make myself suffer through Army Wives and Coming Home every Sunday afternoon. I'm completely fine until I see the kids talk about how much they miss their daddy and how glad that they have their dad home.

That hits me so close, because I don't know how this deployment will affect Bobby. Bobby has turned into such a "daddy's boy" and I know that it's going to be hard on him. I know that it won't be as hard because he won't be as old as most who have to go through this deployment. Every child is affected no matter the age.

Yet, in all this, I have a piece of mind. Jayden is going to spend his first year without his daddy. I don't have to worry about him not being attached to Robert because Rob was gone the exact same time with Bobby and Bobby is really attached to Rob. It's my job to ensure that Jayden knows that his daddy loves him and that his daddy is making sure that he is safe.

I know that I will be able to handle the deployment. God will not give me something that I am not strong enough for. I just worry about they boys, specially Bobby. It's going to be hard for him at first and I know that he will get used to it and he will understand. He understands more then I could ever imagine. You should see how cute he is with his Army shirts, his "daddy" book and his soldier bear. He is all about his daddy and all about the Army.

We are an Army family and our family strength will be tested here in a few months. We are all going to miss him, but it's what Rob signed up for. I can't complain because I knew the time would come when I would have to say good-bye to him. I knew that when he made the decision to join up. I do not regret it one bit and I am so proud of him. I love my husband and my sons. I love my family and I will do whatever I need to do to make sure that we will survive. It's time to test our strength as a couple and as a family and we will succeed. Deployments make or break you and I will make sure that we will come out. :)

Reality

Reality SUCKS!!!! I just want to say that.

It seems like just yesterday, Rob called me to tell me that he was deploying at this year, now, I have his deployment training schedule sitting on my kitchen table. Umm, hello? Time is supposed to be going slow. I mean, I haven't been really thinking about it because it's still a ways away. Yet, right now, it seems like it's not that far. I hate that we are starting to have to talk about it and I am going to have to start having things in my name and getting the POA.

Isn't it funny how just a piece of paper makes reality seem so real? I mean, I was having a fantastic day and then he brings home this paper that has everything laid out, minus exact dates (which is what I truly care about). We have a town meeting soon that will lay out all activities and schedules from now until deployment. Who knows, we may get dates. I just don't want this to be happening. I want to go back to when I first found out and it seemed like forever away.

Jeez, it seems like time is flying by and I am just letting it. I am soaking up all the attention and time that I can have with Rob and trying to fit as much time in with Bobby and daddy as I possibly can. In 8 weeks, he is going to have to share his time between his two boys and wife. I know that once Jayden comes, things will get even more hectic. I mean, he will in up to his neck with training and new responsibilities as squad leader and a new baby. I know that once Jayden comes, time is going to fly by and we are not going to know what hit us. It will be the night before he leaves, and we will be sitting in our living room catching what little time we have left, wondering where the time went. We are going to be thinking that we had all the time left in the world and now we are going to have to cram all the time in just a few hours.

I just can't bear to imagine how things are going to be in the next months. With him taking on new responsibilities as squad leader, me taking on the FRG leader role and role as a new mommy, things are going to get a tad bit hectic. I just wish that I had a slow button so that I can do everything I need to do and everything I need, and still have time left over. Is that even possible? Oh how I wish.

I pray every night that when he is deployed that our marriage lasts. Deployment does things to marriages and it makes it hard. We struggled towards the end of BCT/AIT. How are we going to do with a year? How am I going to do being 1800 miles away from family with two kids under the age of 3? How is he going to do being away from his family? So many questions and no answers. I have so many what ifs going through my mind and I have no answers to any of the questions.

REALITY SUCKS!!!!!!!

WHEW

One more day and Rob will be home for two whole days. No interruptions, no duty, nothing. I am so excited, it's been a long two weeks. Today is filled with all the last minute details that I need to get done before tomorrow. Bobby has a physical at 1:45 and I know that it will take FOREVER. So, I have to get everything done between now and 1:45 tomorrow. Who knows when Rob will be released tomorrow. Last field time, he wasn't released until almost midnight. I am hoping that thanks to new rules, that will not happen tomorrow.

I don't know who is more excited, Rob, Bobby or me. I know that Rob probably is. He has been in the dirt for two weeks and the only two showers he has gotten have been quick showers here. I know he is looking forward to finally being able to come take a HOT-LONG shower with no rushing, no deadlines to meet. I know he is looking forward to a good home cooked meal. I plan on making one of his favorites, Stroganoff with corn. I love it because it has to cook all day in the crock pot, so the whole house will smell delicious whenever he arrives home. I'm also making this cake that sounds delicious. Hoping it all comes together.

Yet, with all this planning, I have to keep in mind, that he may not be released until late. That's the sucky part of field time. The waiting for them to be released, specially since his battery is like 5 mins up the road. I had someone bring him home last time, since it was close to midnight, but I think that this time, Bobby and I will pick him up no matter the time. Who knows, he may be back at a decent time this time. I highly doubt it, but you never know. We still haven't received an estimate time. I say estimate, because they tell you what time they will be released, but they usually aren't released by that time. Last time, Rob told me he would be home by 5 pm, but it didn't happen. That was my first field time. I was so upset because I had spent all day making this soup, cookies, cake and cleaning. I spent so much time making sure everything was perfect for him, and he called saying he didn't know when he would be home. :( This time, I know what to expect. I know that if they say 5 pm, it may not be until 7 pm or even 1 am the next day. Who knows.

Even though I don't know when he will be home, I don't really care. He is coming home and that's all that matters to me. I am so excited to have him back. The house is always a bit calmer when he is home. I know that I have back up and Bobby knows that his daddy is home. Even when he comes home for the short showers, the house is calm for that hour or so. I am looking forward to having a calm house once again. It's been a while. :)

I am so glad that today I will be swamped. The day before and the day they come back is the worst with time going by slow. I am a tad bit worried about tomorrow though. I mean, I will have everything done and ready by Bobby's physical and then after that, I will just be at home waiting for him to call and tell me to pick him up. :( That's going to be torture. I am going to have to come up with a little project to do tomorrow while I wait. A project that will not take forever, make a huge mess and will take just enough time. HMMM... I am going to have to think about this one. :)

Where has time gone?

Yesterday marked our first year in the Army. It seems like just yesterday I was saying good bye to him at Ft Lee after he took his final oath. It's crazy to think that time has flown by so fast. I can't believe that we have been able to adapt to this crazy life and that we still have each other.

Military marriage is not easy. Marriage is not easy, period. Yet, military marriage is even harder. You can't have your husband as much as you want. You can only have him when the Army says so. Even so, you dread hearing his phone ring on the weekends, thinking that he is going to be called in for a class, CQ, or whatever else they need. When his phone rings, my heart sinks. The weekends are pretty much all that we have and sometimes even that is taken away. Yet, we will be celebrating our third year marriage anniversary this September. Three years???? JEEZ. Bobby will be turning 2 this year, we will be adding to our family.

For once in my life, I am comfortable in how my life is going. I know that soon, I am going to face a test of the lifetime, but right now, I am enjoying my time with my precious little family. Being married to a soldier makes you realize to cherish whatever time you have with your man. Last Saturday, Rob was able to come home for an hour or so to take a shower. I cherished seeing him for just that hour. It was only an hour and I wished that his phone would ring and they would tell him he had longer, but it didn't happen. He got in the shower with Bobby, put bobby to bed, and we sat on the couch and snuggled for the what little time we had left. Those are the memories that we learn to make in such short time.

Rob and I have changed a lot in the last year. We thought we grew up when we had Bobby, yet we have grown up even more. I actually like cooking and cleaning. Well, okay, cleaning not so much, but I cooking is my new passion. I can't wait until Rob comes home from the field this Friday. I am going to make him the best dinner EVER. He is going to have a feast and he is going to be able to relax and enjoy his time home before he starts another work week on Monday. We even have a date on Saturday night. A date? What is that?

I am pretty amazed how much the first year flew by. I know that we are making a career out of this and I know that I have many many years left. Yet, I don't mind one bit. I love this hectic and crazy life. I love being married to a soldier and even when things are awful, I could not imagine doing anything else. Our first duty station is not what we wanted. We dislike this place with such a passion (even if it's somewhat growing on me). We cannot wait to be able to PCS to somewhere different and hopefully better. Yet, even though we are stationed somewhere we don't like, we do have some trouble with the unit he is in, I never question our decision. I know that some people did and some people even doubted that we would make it, but here we are, a year later. So, you know what I have to say to that? HOOAH!!!

So, as we start our second year in the military, it's going to be a lonely one. We are going to have to relearn how to live with out each other for another year, and then relearn how to live with each other. We are going to have to overcome some difficulties and some challenges. Yet, we have done made it this far, there is nothing stopping us is making it through the rest of what the Army deals us. Every day, I grow more and more proud of him and so proud of who he is becoming. He is well on his way to become an NCO and then later, an officer. He shows great qualities to be a leader and even his leaders see that. I can't wait to see what else is in store for us.